Welcome to The Sorting Hat, where we sort characters from all sorts of various fandoms into their Hogwarts houses! If you’ve been following the blog for the past few weeks, you know we’ve been determinedly working our way through the massive cast of HBO’s Game of Thrones, and we are finally on our final week! If you’ve missed any of the previous installments, you can find them here: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4.
As a reminder, for this series, we are only using the information we are given in the show, not the books. There are several characters who would be sorted very differently if we took their on-the-page characterizations into account. Also, in case you’re wondering why certain characters weren’t sorted at all, we had to draw the line somewhere. So while we’ve sorted everyone who was considered a main cast member at any point during the first six seasons, as well as a number of secondary characters we felt were significant enough to warrant their inclusion, we couldn’t get to everyone. If a character didn’t have enough lines or screen time for us to really get to know them, or if their involvement with the main plots and characters was peripheral at best, we left them off. But if there’s a minor character we didn’t get to whom you feel passionately about, feel free to let us know in the comments where you would sort them!
Please note that this post contains spoilers. Tread carefully if you have not seen all aired episodes through season 6 of Game of Thrones.
Teija: Gryffindor, I think.
Lauren: I am leaning Ravenclaw for Blackfish.
Teija: I WILL KEEP THIS CASTLE DESPITE ALL ODDS, DAMN YOU ALL!!! AND I WILL DIE SWORDFIGHTING RATHER THAN SAVE MYSELF!
Lauren: Okay true, BUT!
Sarah: Oh hrm… I can see both of these.
Lauren: He’s the only one who saw the Freys’ plot for what it was.
Teija: I’d agree with you on Ravenclaw for book!Blackfish, but TV!Blackfish obtusely dug his heels in despite what makes ANY SENSE.
Lauren: “No, you people, don’t be stupid, IT IS A PLOT, CAN YOU NOT SEE IT? I DON’T CARE WHO HE IS, HE’S NOT ON OUR SIDE!”
Sarah: Yeah, see, that’s what is making me agree with your Ravenclaw assessment. He was very, very aware of the plot and knew it was coming.
Lauren: Also, my inner conspiracy theorist doesn’t fully believe he actually fought to the death. I think he wiled his way out. WE HAVE NOT SEEN A BODY. And the guy who reported that he was “dead” was the same one that Blackfish argued his point with, and then who was like “oh snap” when Edmure actually WAS a traitor.
Sarah: If the death occurs off screen and there’s no body, I refuse to believe they’ve actually died.
Teija: Here’s what bothers me about him: I’m pretty convinced that TV!Blackfish only saw through the Frey plot because the writers just took whatever was in the books for him until suddenly in season 6, they didn’t have a book. So pre-season-6 Blackfish could very well be a Ravenclaw.
Sarah: But by that reasoning, it makes him Ravenclaw.
Teija: Well okay, but it just feels so un-Ravenclawy, that last part.
Sarah: If pre-season-6 Blackfish was a Ravenclaw, than it’s his core personality, regardless of how he changed or appeared to change in season 6.
Teija: Is he a Ravenclaw whose mind was devoured by lack of writer consistency? Is this what happens when a Ravenclaw just gets really pissed about his whole family dying and gives up on everything and stubbornly digs their heels in?
Lauren: I think there was a lot of Ravenclaw in his final ep, ESPECIALLY if he turns out to be alive.
Sarah: We can’t really sort on a single season of action alone, and I am with Lauren that his last episode was very Ravenclaw.
Lauren: I realize this is entirely speculation, but THERE WAS NO BODY SO I DON’T BELIEVE IT.
Teija: I don’t think he’s alive. Or I don’t WANT to think he’s alive, because I worry they’re going to LSH him.
Sarah: If he’s dead it was such a copout death, “I SWEAR WE KILLED HIM, YOU JUST DIDNT SEE HIM!”
Lauren: It was REAL SHADY how they killed him. “Killed.” “HE’S DEAD, BODY GONE, HO HUM.”
Teija: Well he wasn’t a super big character on the show, so I could see the showrunners just copping out on him.
Lauren: It is possible, but after what they did with The Hound, I’m not counting chickens (chickens in this case meaning character deaths).
Teija: 13 episodes left just makes me go, “Okay, if he ISN’T dead, then what for?”
Sarah: FOR REASONS.
Lauren: Who knows. But I feel like they’re saving him for something more than just “DON’T LET EDMURE IN!” dies
Sarah: I just come from the Joss Whedon school of character deaths, where unless I see it happen, it feels like there’s a chance they could come back.
Teija: I’ll cede to Ravenclaw on it, though, I’m just kinda “bleh” overall on how they wrote him.
Lauren: refuses to let Outlander influence my opinion
Teija: He… got married and then let the Lannisters have his family home. With a long stint in Frey jail.
Sarah: BOOOOOO, JACK RANDALL! cough I mean… Yeah, there’s not a lot of his personality shining through there.
Lauren: What is the house for completely clueless people?
Teija: Sooooooooooooo I think the “let the Lannisters have the castle” thing seems self-preservationist, more than betrayal. He just doesn’t want to die, and he knows that letting them have it means he gets to live.
Sarah: For now.
Lauren: Oh, I agree. I don’t think he’s sinister.
Sarah: Yes, it’s no betrayal, it is totally self-preservation, which honestly, more people in this world could use a healthy dose of.
Teija: It also gives him time to do something, if he’s going to do something.
Lauren: I just think he’s very easily duped/played.
Sarah: Is he Hufflepuff then? Since he’s “the rest”?
Teija: I also don’t see him knowing what he’s going to DO, now that he bought himself time.
Lauren: Every single instance of Edmure we’ve had in the show is of him being used as a pawn in someone else’s plan.
Teija: Could he be a Crabbe and Goyle-style Slytherin? He showed a little bit of calculation in giving his family home away, but not a ton of wit to go with it.
Lauren: I don’t buy that, I think they just gave him a way to live and he was like, “okay.”
Teija: That’s fair, it wasn’t his idea. It was Jaime’s idea.
Lauren: Nothing he has done has felt calculating to me.
Sarah: Yeah, I don’t think it was calculating at all. It was pure reaction.
Teija: Even at the Red Wedding, he went along with the Freys’ plan.
Lauren: It also wasn’t brave or noble, so not Gryffindor brashness.
Sarah: No it wasn’t, but if we’re going with the “to Hufflepuff go the rest,” that fits Edmure.
Lauren: I lean Hufflepuff.
Teija: That’s fine.
Teija: HE’S AWFUL.
Lauren: Ugh indeed.
Teija: Also, Slytherin.
Lauren: I think he’s Slytherin.
Sarah: The Worst.
Teija: He’s an awful, nasty Slytherin.
Sarah: Slytherin seems like the only option, but he’s the one no one else wants to hang out with.
Teija: Giving guest rights and then going against them, just… ugh. The show only barely touched on that whole thing, but MY GOD.
Lauren: He’s awful, but at least he was simple to sort.
Teija: MAY HE BURN IN SEVEN HELLS.
Lothar and Black Walder
Teija: Do we want to sort his insipid nonsense sons?
Lauren: His sons who lack all personality.
Teija: Ugh. Squib? can we Squib the younger Freys? I can’t even tell them apart.
Sarah: What does getting baked into a pie make you? Other than an awful dessert?
Teija: It makes you four and twenty blackbirds, is what it makes you.
Lauren: Black Walder has a beard. Lothar has a long nose.
Teija: Seriously, I’ve got nothing. Unless they’re “the rest.”
Sarah: I say Squib, honestly. We don’t really have anything to even start with.
Lauren: Well for PURELY SUPERFICIAL REASONS, I say either Slytherin or Ravenclaw for Lothar, as he seems to be the negotiator.
Teija: Either they’re “the rest” and they’re Puffs, or they’re Squibs on account of plotlessness.
Lauren: Black Walder is the sicko who killed Shaggydog I think?
Teija: No, those are the Umbers. The Umbers killed Shaggydog.
Lauren: Oh, that’s right.
Teija: See, we can’t even pick them out. They’ve gotta be Squibs.
Sarah: Yeah, I think Squib.
Teija: They have even less plot than Rickon and Myrcella, and we squibbed THEM.
Lauren: Squibs for similar reasons as Rickon and Myrcella.
Sarah: I mean, Edmure had personality traits, he just didn’t fit into any of the houses really. These dudes have nothing.
Gregor “The Mountain” Clegane
Lauren: NEVER GOOGLE GIFS OF THE MOUNTAIN, GUYS.
Sarah: NOPE NOT GONNA.
Teija: We’re talking the Mountain PRE-ZOMBIFICATION, I assume. Because post-Zombification Mountain is just a drone. A head-smashing drone.
Lauren: Yeah, post-zombie, he’s just a pawn for Cersei.
Teija: Pre-Zombification, I think he’s a big fat bully of a Gryffindor.
Lauren: He’s so sadistic, though.
Sarah: He IS sadistic. Which I don’t think is very Gryffindor of him.
Teija: True but ‘sadism’ isn’t exactly any house’s trait.
Sarah: Is he just a sadistic Gryffindor?
Lauren: The raping and the murdering of the children and ughhhhh.
Teija: Like I think he’s Gryffindor because he was very much a “just smash the thing, whatever” kind of a guy. He never put thought into anything he did. He knew his brute strength would get him whatever he wanted.
Lauren: Is he a Gryffindor like Ramsay is a Gryffindor?
Sarah: I think he might be.
Lauren: We’re gonna need to reinforce that tower, y’all. THOSE PEOPLE CAN NEVER GET OUT.
Teija: Yeah, that tower is a NIGHTMARE ZONE.
Sarah: He definitely rushed into things, but he’s just doing it for terrible, terrible reasons.
Teija: He relied on his strength and murder to get him out of situations, not any kind of cunning or thought. There’s no way he’s Ravenclaw, there’s no way he’s Hufflepuff.
Lauren: True, true.
Teija: If he’s a Slytherin, he’s not a clever one.
Lauren: Unless he’s like Crabbe Gone Crazy.
Teija: I really think he’s another candidate for the TOWER OF TERROR.
Sarah: Okay, sadistic Gryffindor it is… That’s a terrifying sentence. That tower is going to implode.
Lauren: I’m telling you, seal it off and then cover it in cement or something, THOSE PEOPLE CAN NEVER GET OUT. The world will end.
Teija: Right. It needs to be sealed under multiple seals. Seven seals.
Lauren: Syrio is a Truehearted Gryffindor in my book.
Sarah: One of the good ones!
Lauren: We need to build a second tower for the good ones. Although, I would trust Syrio Forel to keep all that riffraff at bay.
Sarah: Separate portrait hole entrances and everything.
Teija: Yeah, he’s pretty Gryffindorey. I could also see Ravenclaw for him, but I’m good wih Gryffindor.
Sarah: Gryffindor is my first response, so I’m going with that.
Lauren: Same. He’s so brave. So valiant.
Sarah: It sounds like you’re penning a love poem over there.
The High Sparrow
Teija: He’s Slytherin.
Sarah: He is so damn calculating and conspiring and devious.
Lauren: Too manipulative to be anything but Slytherin. He disguises it all under humility and selflessness, but he’s a power-hungry manipulative snake.
Teija: He and Margaery were in a battle of sneaking and power-grabbing, and he actually bested Margaery, ’til Cersei blew it all to hell. He had her kind of cornered with her brother there.
Sarah: I’m not too sure on that, I think she would’ve found a way out if Cersei hadn’t blown everything up.
Teija: She may have, but Loras was doomed. She would not have gotten both of them out of there, there were too many of the Faith Militant around for her to pull it off.
Sarah: That’s fair.
Lauren: Ugh, I’m still so sad about that.
Teija: ME TOO.
Lauren: WHY IS EVERYONE THIS WEEK AWFUL?
Teija: Oh god, Pycelle the Farting Maester. I guess he’s Ravenclaw?
Lauren: Ew ew ew ew.
Sarah: Because we’re at Kings Landing and you have to be in order to survive?
Teija: I mean they also left that weird hint that one time that he was faking his infirmity, so maybe he’s Slytherin?
Lauren: He’s also super manipulative and power-hungry.
Teija: I don’t know what he was going for with that, but yeah, I could see Slytherin.
Sarah: I am leaning Slytherin due to all the manipulation.
Teija: He just wasn’t so good at manipulating certain people. Well, Cersei. But he definitely bent the ears of everyone else in King’s Landing.
Sarah: I can see the argument for Ravenclaw, but I think his manipulative side wins out.
Lauren: Slytherin House is getting super gross this week, and it was already full of Lannisters.
Sarah: I have faith in you and Margaery to run a tight ship.
Lauren: I think his self-serving nature also speaks to Slytherin. That would fit under the “ambition” umbrella, I think.
Teija: Yeah, I’m good with Slytherin for him.
Lauren: Up next is Qyburn, who outmaneuvered Pycelle.
Teija: shudder Where do we put Dr. Frankenstein?
Lauren: LIKE A BOSS. A terrifying boss.
Teija: So I actually think he might be Ravenclaw, though. Because he has the know-how to do things like RAISE THE MOUNTAIN FROM THE DEAD WITH SCIENCE. He’s the only one doing that without the Lord of Light involved.
Lauren: I do too, his actions don’t seem so power-grabby to me, they just seem very well thought-out.
Sarah: Yeah, everything was very strategic.
Lauren: He commandeered Varys’ information network.
Teija: Him taking Varys’s birds was totally based in logic. He was there in King’s Landing while Varys was away.
Sarah: Yeah that wasn’t a power grab, that was a calculated move. A means to an end.
Teija: He helps Cersei figure out how to put into motion the things she concocts. They’re Cersei’s power moves, he just does the braining to make them happen.
Lauren: I think he’s a very devious Ravenclaw that you can’t take your eyes off of for a second.
Sarah: That is a dangerous pair right there. They were right that a Slytherin/Ravenclaw friendship would rule the world.
Lauren: It’s really true.
Teija: We’ve got a Slytherin and two Ravenclaws, what does that make AF?
Sarah: Poised to take over the world, obviously.
Teija: Aaaand I think we just let something horrendous into Ravenclaw house.
Lauren: No house is immune.
Lauren: Huh. I don’t even know. She changes so much.
Teija: I think Shae might be Slytherin, actually.
Lauren: I think perhaps Slytherin?
Teija: She seems to change so much, but she spent a lot of time pretending to be loyal to Tyrion and reporting to his dad.
Sarah: I think Slytherin, too.
Lauren: She’s really good at self-preservation.
Sarah: She has to be, in her position.
Teija: I think the “appears to change a lot” is that we saw her from Tyrion’s perspective and from outside of it.
Lauren: I think there was definitely some authenticity to her, at least the show version of her. But I think it made her a really convincing liar.
Teija: She played Tyrion. I think she liked him a lot, but when he pushed her away she got nasty.
Sarah: Very vengeful.
Lauren: There was a lot of truth to what she was spinning.
Sarah: The best manipulators know that the lies that work the best are rooted in truth.
Lauren: ❤ (That’s all I have for him, a heart emoji.)
Teija: HUFFLEPUUUUUUFFFFFFF! He was so devoted to the throne. Not to the person on it, but the THRONE. He was in MULTIPLE PEOPLE’S KINGSGUARDS and he was 100% loyal to EVERY ONE OF THEM until Joffrey fired him an then he decided to be in the kingsguard of the “rightful queen.” STILL FOUND A WAY TO BE LOYAL TO THE THRONE.
Sarah: Yup, Hufflepuff feels right for him.
Lauren: Hufflepuff like Brienne?
Sarah: And honestly, kinda like Jaime.
Lauren: He was so noble and brave, too.
Teija: Yeah he was. He’s a Puff with Gryffindor secondaries.
Lauren: I can see arguments for both. Hatstall-worthy arguments.
Sarah: I am leaning towards Puff first.
Teija: I’m leaning Puff.
Lauren: He’s like an aged Neville Longbottom.
Sarah: I think his loyalty is a more defining feature than his bravery. He is all about honor.
Teija: The fact that he was so singularly devoted to guarding the ruler who sat the iron throne, regardless of who that was, makes him Hufflepuff. It was loyalty not to any single person but to the throne of Westeros.
Lauren: Yeah, that is a good point.
Teija: To the crown itself, I guess.
Lauren: He’s a patriot.
Teija: I am still so mad about the Joff-Fires-Barristan thing. And still so extra super-duper mad that the show KILLED HIM WTF.
Sarah: UGH, that was the worst!
Teija: BARRISTAN LIVES 2K16
Sarah: …you just went very Hermione there. “I am so mad that he got expelled… and also killed.”
Lauren: Him throwing down his armor and his sword was so sassy, though.
Teija: Yeah, that was good.
Lauren: Forever-rowing Gendry.
Teija: AWWW GENDRY! ❤
Lauren: Precious Gendry who the show… forgot about?
Teija: Ummm. Gr…yffindor…??
Sarah: He was so pretty.
Lauren: I think Gryffindor or Hufflepuff.
Teija: I’m honestly good with either for him. I can see it either way. I mean, you have to be pretty brave (or dumb) to let Melisandre get all up on you.
Lauren: He was so protective of Arya.
Sarah: I really loved that.
Lauren: That makes me lean Puff.
Sarah: Arya needed someone to be protective of her.
Lauren: He wasn’t being particularly brave or brash or noble, he was just being a really good friend. She needed someone to help her and he was like “I’m not qualified for anything, but sure, I’ll help you.”
Teija: I’m good with Hufflepuff on him, I think it might fit more than Gryffindor.
Sarah: I will go with Puff as well. I think it makes the most sense.
Jaqen H’ghar/The Faceless Man
Teija: A man needs a house.
Lauren: So this is hard, because Jaqen H’ghar was a PERSONA adopted by The Faceless Man. So technically we should sort The Faceless Man.
Teija: I don’t actually know what we should do with him, because it’s left ambiguous if it’s actually the same guy every time. We don’t actually know if he is the same Jaqen H’ghar Arya met earlier or not.
Sarah: Does that make him a Squib?
Lauren: But he CAN’T be a Squib. HE ACTUALLY HAS MAGIC. He’s one of the few characters who does.
Sarah: I think he would reject the sorting hat, but also at the same time be able to be sorted into every house, because he can put on the right persona like a mask.
Teija: Oh my god, is he Peeves? Can he just come and go as he pleases, regardless of house?
Lauren: Is he… a horcrux?
Teija: Whose soul? Whose soul is he a part of?
Lauren: ALL OF THEM? I don’t even know.
Sarah: I feel like the hat would sit there and eventually be all, “I give up, go where you wish.” And if he got to pick, where would he go?
Lauren: Is he a centaur? Is he a creature that lives in the forbidden forest?
Teija: …omg maybe he is a centaur.
Lauren: IS HE FIRENZE!?
Teija: The centaurs aren’t just creatures in the forbidden forest, they’re also hugely knowledgable and kind of detached from the rest. I THINK MAYBE HE’S A CENTAUR.
Sarah: I can totally see that.
Lauren: I DIDN’T EVEN KNOW CENTAUR WAS AN OPTION.
Teija: …I’m willing to go there if you guys are.
Lauren: Still surprising ourselves, even on the last week!
Sarah: WHEN YOU’RE THE FACELESS MAN, ANYTHING IS AN OPTION.
Teija: ONLY THE FACELESS MAN WOULD STUMP US SO THOROUGHLY.
Lauren: I honestly think he fits “Centaur” better than any house.
Teija: Let us call him a centaur, then, and move on.
Lauren: She is DEFINITELY NOT A CENTAUR.
Teija: The Terminator.
Teija: Yeah, she’s Slytherin.
Lauren: Ugh, her plans are so obtuse though.
Sarah: She is so manipulative and focused, even when she’s supposed to have shed all personality.
Lauren: Even Arya could best her.
Teija: Everything she was doing appeared to have a double meaning to it, depending on if she was aiming at The Faceless Man or Arya.
Sarah: Well, she’s not Ravenclaw.
Lauren: Are we suuuuuure she’s not a spiteful Gryffindor? She does so much lashing out physically.
Teija: I could see spiteful Gryffindor. She also seems to enjoy it.
Sarah: She does really enjoying smashing people with her stick.
Teija: Are her and Arya destined to duel forever in Gryffindor tower?
Lauren: Oh, gracious. I mean, nah, Arya will tear her face off.
Teija: She was meant to be a bit of a reflection of Arya, anyway.
Lauren: She was Arya’s worst qualities allowed to run rampant. An anthropomorphic vengeance quest.
Sarah: But is she the opposite of Arya? I think that would make her Slytherin instead of Gryffindor.
Lauren: No, I don’t think she’s the opposite of Arya at all. She’s Arya minus all her Starkness, ramped up to eleven.
Teija: I think she’s a reflection in the sense that she’s just like her, not a mirror image.
Sarah: Okay then vengeful, crazy Gryffindor it is.
Lauren: TO THE TOWER WITH HER!
Teija: NOW LOCK IT AND BRICK THE DOOR.