Welcome to the Sorting Hat! This is part 2 of our Game of Thrones cast sorting, which is proving to be a challenge mostly because of the size of the cast. This week we’ve sorted more of the Great Houses, as well as the men of the Night’s Watch. A reminder for those who may have missed the first installment: we are trying to stick to the way the characters are portrayed on the television show. If you disagree with us because of your book-reader knowledge, know that we have also read the books and we understand and likely have similar arguments to make, but that we are going with what HBO has presented to us in the TV adaptation.
Please be aware that these discussions may include spoilers for any aired episodes of Game of Thrones.
Teija: Balon Greyjoy is… uh.
Lauren: cricket chirp
Lauren: Is… he… though?
Lauren: Someone name Balon Greyjoy’s defining characteristics. All I can think of is “kind of awful.”
Teija: We know he is really keen on someone of HIS BLOODLINE taking the throne after him.
Sarah: And he did also just basically say, “I am King of the Iron Islands now,” before the show storyline started.
Lauren: But like EVERYONE proclaimed themselves king before the show.
Teija: He is Mr. “The Salt Throne is Mine and Only My Family Can Have It,” but… not enough to let his daughter have it, and then he also shunned Theon because he wasn’t “strong” enough, because his time on land made him “not ironborn.” I’m not sure what HOUSE this makes him though.
Lauren: I DON’T KNOW
Sarah: So I’m leaning Slytherin, because he feels very blood loyal.
Lauren: Slytherins tend to be fiercely loyal to their own, but maybe he doesn’t consider his kids his own? For…some reason?
Teija: See, he’s fiercely loyal to his own but he can’t handle “betrayal,” and I guess giving your son to the Starks and your son just… taking it and staying there… counts as “betrayal”?
Lauren: “Betrayal” in this case meaning…”not manly enough?” or “being a girl?”
Teija: Yeah, I don’t even know what his issue is there.
Sarah: It makes him less of a “Greyjoy” which makes him lesser in his father’s eyes?
Teija: He was forced to send Theon to the Starks as a ward. He didn’t WANT to do that, so you’d think he’d then be like “GET MY SON BACK,” and not “MY SON IS NOW A STARK LEAVE HIM THERE FOREVER!”
Lauren: That honestly is characteristic of ZERO HOGWARTS HOUSES.
Teija: I don’t honestly know? I mean we know he’s got the ambition and drive, because he was all, “take the throne and stay there,” but as far as show!Balon is concerned they didn’t give us much beyond that. And then there’s the Theon-shunning.
Sarah: I don’t see really any other House traits that are prominent.
Lauren: I guess Balon is probably Slytherin because even though he doesn’t REALLY fit the house, he fits the others less. I’m putting him in the Common Room password freezeout zone with Joffrey, though.
Sarah: I think Balon would’ve been sorted into Slytherin based on the few characteristics we do see.
Teija: Doesn’t one of the songs say, “to Hufflepuff go the rest”?
Lauren: IT DOES.
Sarah: Yes, yes it does.
Lauren: DOES THAT MAKE HIM A HUFFLEPUFF? This cannot be right.
Sarah: I think not.
Teija: I’m more comfortable with Slytherin than HUFFLEPUFF for him. So maybe that makes him a default Slytherin?
Lauren: No, even though I DON’T WANT HIM IN MY HOUSE I will claim him for Slytherin so as not to inflict him on the poor Puffs.
Sarah: I say no, I stand by Slytherin.
Teija: He’s Slytherin for sure.
Sarah: Yes, agreed.
Lauren: All I know of Euron is based on two scenes, both of which were super Slytherin, even though his seizure of the Iron Islands was WAY UNCUNNING.
Teija: That guy is a little insane, and also definitely Slytherin. “I AM SUPER THE KING SHUT UP EVERYONE ELSE! NOW MAKE ME ALL THE BOATS! Don’t worry about the trees, we’ll figure it out. I’ll make these boats with sheer determination, you watch me.”
Lauren: THOSE STUPID BOATS. I spent all season angry about those boats, y’all.
Teija: That’s fair.
Sarah: Magic would make the boats make more sense.
Teija: I think he’s a badly misled Hufflepuff.
Lauren: That was my gut as well.
Sarah: Poor Theon. Hufflepuff seems like a nice, safe space for him.
Teija: Deep down he’s got the things that make you a Hufflepuff, but he got convinced along the way that he needed to do un-Puffy things to survive or to “show his dad” or whatever.
Lauren: Everything he did pre-Ramsay felt like trying too hard to Be A Greyjoy.
Teija: It got him in THE WORST POSSIBLE PLACE. Then, after Ramsay, it’s just atonement. Going back to his true self, trying to make things right.
Lauren: Honestly, until he started going through his identity crisis, he was probably well suited for House Stark. Puffs and Gryffindors all the livelong day.
Teija: And he’s ended up back in “try to be a Greyjoy” territory by joining up with his sister, but I think she’ll be better for it than Balon was.
Lauren: The fact that he’s like “NOPE DON’T WANNA BE THE KING, LET YARA DO IT” feels very Puffy to me.
Sarah: And that he fully supports and is completely loyal to her.
Teija: She seems like another Slytherin Greyjoy to me, but a nicer one.
Lauren: Slytherin or Gryffindor…
Sarah: I say Slytherin.
Teija: I don’t think Gryffindor, I think she’s more calculated in her choices
Sarah: The kind of Slytherin who is well suited to rule the Iron Islands.
Lauren: Her charging in against her father’s wishes to rescue Theon from Ramsay felt like Gryffindor brashness to me.
Teija: I don’t think she’s just running off without a plan, I think she knew exactly what she was doing.
Sarah: Yeah she doesn’t rush into something unless she is forced to, it’s not her instinct.
Teija: Her getting out from under Euron while he was blustering around seemed sly as hell.
Lauren: That is true. Instead of punching him in the face.
Teija: Yeah, a Gryffindor would have just punched him or challenged him to an ill-advised duel. Instead, she got out ahead of him and got to Dany before he could.
Sarah: I think Slytherins can still act on impulse from time to time, it doesn’t make them not Slytherins.
Lauren: Oh no, that’s totally true, I was just trying to figure out if she is more calculating or more brash in her decision making.
Teija: It’s more, “is there a pattern?”
Sarah: I think calculating.
Teija: I’m firm on Slytherin for her.
Lauren: I’m good with Slytherin.
Teija: Mad King Aerys! We don’t know too much about him, just what’s been said by other people and shown in flashback.
Lauren: What house does “crazy” go in?
Teija: I think if anything he’s Gryffindor. I mean where does “I’ll blow up the place I’m king of, it’ll be fine” fit, if not Gryffindor?
Sarah: Exactly. He’s the kind of crazy you only get with a Gryffindor.
Lauren: But then Cersei actually DID it, and she’s super Slytherin.
Sarah: But different motivations, I think.
Teija: Hers came from years and years of maneuvering though. It was her last resort when she found herself cornered, whereas with Aerys, it was like, “I WILL SHOW THE WORLD!” Cersei may be going mad too, but she definitely schemed and calculated herself into the situation that led to that.
Lauren: True. So he’s in the “needs so much therapy” wing of Gryffindor with Arya?
Teija: Yep, that’s a good place to put him. The Gryffindor Madhouse.
Sarah: Is that its own special tower?
Lauren: Let’s hope so.
Lauren: Okay, are we even attempting Rhaegar?
Teija: We’ve heard little pieces of his story.
Lauren: DO WE KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT HIM other than “kidnapped Lyanna”? Please do tell.
Sarah: Impulsive seems to be the only trait I’ve really seen.
Teija: There seems to be a TV show rule that “every time you mention Lyanna Stark, you have to also mention Rhaegar.”
Sarah: Because of the kidnapping.
Teija: Book!Rhaegar is absolutely a Gryffindor, and I can see the argument to put TV!Rhaegar there as well.
Sarah: That’s my gut, based on him being all “I WANT THIS SO IMMA TAKE IT.”
Teija: Nothing they’ve said of him is contradicting book!Rhaegar at all. It’s straight from the pages, which may go against our “we’re doing TV, not book” rule, but in this case I think it’s fair.
Lauren: Since literally the only thing we know about TV!Rhaegar is that he perpetrated an ill-conceived kidnapping plot, I’m good with Gryffindor. Targaryens: The Mad Gryffindors.
Sarah: That is actually super fitting.
Teija: I mean, Targaryens are often “the Mad” anyway. Crazy runs in those genes.
Sarah: Because of the incest.
Lauren: Ewwwww. MOVING ON.
Sarah: Definitely Slytherin.
Teija: Yeah, Slytherin. An impatient, immature Slytherin.
Lauren: Super calculating, but I think just not actually intelligent enough to pull it off.
Teija: I’m actually a little anxious about Dany ’cause I don’t even know.
Lauren: I’m VERY CONFLICTED about Dany.
Sarah: So, I’m torn between Gryffindor and Slytherin for Dany.
Teija: I don’t think she’s a Ravenclaw at all, and I actually don’t think she’s a Slytherin either. The people AROUND her may be, but she is not.
Lauren: She has all the impulsive brashness of a Gryffindor and all the ambition of a Slytherin, but she is NOT CUNNING. She thinks she is, but she’s not.
Sarah: She is not cunning.
Teija: I think Gryffindor, actually, because she doesn’t think about the aftermath of anything she ever does.
Lauren: Which… is actually, I think, a Gryffindor thing.
Teija: She takes a city, frees the slaves, then moves on to the next city and is BAFFLED when the slavers take it back over months later.
Sarah: I think she’s the Harry of the series.
Teija: And when things don’t go her way, she throws a dragon at the problem.
Lauren: A VERY GRYFFINDOR THING TO DO!
Sarah: She could have been sorted into either one at the beginning, but I think she’s become more Gryffindor.
Teija: I think she’s a Gryffindor.
Lauren: I am more comfortable with Gryffindor than anything else.
Teija: I think she was this way all along, she just was hiding in her brother’s shadow to start with.
Lauren: It took her a while to find her confidence, but when she did, HOLY COW.
Teija: Which was AWESOME when she did (“If you ever lay a hand on me again it will be the last time you HAVE HANDS” was badass).
Sarah: Actually, I think my read of Slytherin comes from her brother’s influence at the beginning.
Lauren: I think that was just more survival.
Teija: In the early part anything we saw about her was heavily influenced by Viserys, because until Drogo dealt with him he controlled everything. Or at least he thought he did, and he was loud about it. But Dany on her own is definitely Gryffindor.
Lauren: Marrying her into the Dothraki allowed her inherent Gryffindor-ness to shine.
Teija: I mean she’s definitely Harry, she frequently gets herself into these insane situations where anyone else would probably get killed, but either with fire or with actual dragons, she gets out again, because her instinct is BURN IT TO THE GROUND and figuring out what she’ll do comes after.
Lauren: EVERY TIME.
Teija: Roose is a Slytherin in the Tywin Lannister vein, in my opinion. He was the brains of the Bolton organization.
Sarah: I’d agree with that.
Lauren: That is true.
Teija: And I think the fact that he went in on the Red Wedding in the way he did and played it so trickily against the Starks is proof. That moment when Catelyn realizes he has mail on at the wedding, man. BETRAYAL. CALCULATED BETRAYAL.
Lauren: I was oscillating between Slytherin and Ravenclaw, but I think the Red Wedding tips the scale to Slytherin.
Sarah: That is definitely a check in the Slytherin column.
Teija: He’s got a definite strong Ravenclaw secondary.
Teija: His death was a major mistake on the part of its perpetrator, I’ll just say that. It was the moment that led to the downfall.
Lauren: Speaking of which…
Teija: MY GOD.
Lauren: Okay, first we must LIFT OUT THE PSYCHOPATHY.
Teija: Well see I… hahahahaha
Teija: I actually think he might be another one of those insane Gryffindors, because he’s not particularly calculating or sly or anything, he just does the thing.
Lauren: And he’s EXTREMELY predictable.
Sarah: Yeah, I can’t see any Slytherin in him.
Lauren: Which makes me think not Slytherin or Ravenclaw.
Sarah: He’s easy to read, like a Gryffindor.
Teija: He’s way not Ravenclaw. He’s a brash idiot who does things because they amuse him, not because they make sense.
Sarah: I’m comfortable with Mad Gryffindor.
Lauren: The fact that Sansa kept being able to call his moves makes me think Gryffindor. Mad Gryffindor Tower for him.
Teija: Mad Gryffindor Tower is a dangerous place, man.
Lauren: Those people are all going to kill each other.
Sarah: I’m so glad I’m not in that House.
Teija: The Seven Take Them All.
Lauren: Like I’m picturing a Rapunzel-esque tower with no door. They have to be airlifted in.
Teija: Arya and Bolton in there together.
Lauren: Forget the white walkers, this is the most dangerous place to be in the Seven Kingdoms.
The Night’s Watch
Teija: I think he was a Ravenclaw.
Sarah: I agree with Ravenclaw.
Teija: He had a good head on his shoulders and always thought carefully about his choices. He carefully studied new recruits to see where they would fit. That’s why Jon got where he was, because Jeor Mormont saw it in him. Same for Sam.
Sarah: He thought everything through, nothing on impulse at all.
Lauren: I mean maaaaaaybe Slytherin? He perfectly executed his mutiny.
Teija: I mean. Maybe? He did kind of orchestrate that, yeah.
Sarah: I could see that? Maybe?
Lauren: He could NOT HAVE PREDICTED that Jon would come back.
Sarah: Based on that one scenario, yes.
Teija: On the show at least, it did seem driven by him.
Lauren: And then he seized control.
Teija: And he was always kind of scheming against Jon in the background even before then, you could never trust his decisions weren’t made out of spite.
Lauren: I’m comfortable with Slytherin for Alliser.
Maester Aemon Targaryen
Lauren: I say Ravenclaw.
Teija: I say Ravenclaw, too.
Sarah: Yes, Ravenclaw.
Teija: Hah, that was easy.
Lauren: I feel like being Maester is a BIG CLUE.
Teija: Though not all Maesters we’ve seen are actually Ravenclaws, I think it’s probably a tendency for them to be.
Lauren: I think also Ravenclaw.
Teija: I’d lean that way.
Lauren: There are STRONG Hufflepuff and Gryffindor undertones, but I think at his core he’s Ravenclaw. (I just described him like a wine.)
Teija: I mean just the reason why his dad booted him out and sent him to the wall. All he wanted to do was studies and stuff, and his dad was like, “YOU’RE NO SON OF MINE, YOU SOFT BOOK READING NERD!”
Lauren: He’s honestly one of those people who would make total sense in 3/4 of the houses .
Sarah: Also, the look on his face when he saw the library.
Teija: I think we were all Sam in that moment.
Lauren: I lean Ravenclaw for the win.
Teija: I think Ravenclaw, yes.
Sarah: We will gladly take him.
Teija: Haha yep! Welcome, welcome, Samwell Tarly.
Teija: Edd got stuck with the Night’s Watch at the worst possible time and I get the impression he’s gonna try his darndest.
Sarah: Err, maaaaybe?
Teija: I can’t see any other house all that strongly.
Lauren: I think he might be a case of “to Hufflepuff go the rest.”
Teija: From what we’ve seen of him, I think so, too. I mean, he does show some signs of Hufflepuff.
Sarah: It seems the best fitting.
Lauren: I can see SOME Puff to him, but mostly he’s just… there.
Teija: Again with the loyalty, not just to the Night’s Watch, but also to Jon specifically. Like… he was on team “I’ll stay with the dead body.”
Lauren: Hahaha a very Puffy thing to do.
Lauren: Who we meet at the actual age he would have been sorted!
Sarah: Hah, damn.
Lauren: Okay, BEFORE ALLISER POISONED HIM, what was he? I lean Gryffindor.
Teija: I… uh.
Sarah: Huh. I can sorta see Gryffindor?
Teija: All I remember is his Draco Malfoy-esque sneering-at-Jon-from-different-locations. I mean he did want revenge on the Wildlings for his family with an almost singular focus… does “KILL THE WILDLINGS” translate to Gryffindor?
Lauren: I feel like the WAY he took out Ygritte speaks to Gryffindor.
Sarah: I think the overly dramatic revenge does.
Lauren: He was being impulsive and not thinking about the consequences. He just charged in when he had an opportunity.
Teija: “I killed her because she was a Wildling, who cares if she’s on our side?”
Sarah: Yup, the single minded focus on something is totally Gryffindor.
Lauren: I think that brashness and impulsiveness allowed him to be manipulated by Thorne.
Teija: I’ll go with it.
Sarah: Ignoring everything else, however logical or rational.
Teija: Definitely. It’s like Ron with the horcrux.
Teija: It’s what happens when you let something get so singularly into your head and then an outside force just exacerbates it. He already hated Wildlings, but Alliser Thorne pushed it to “Jon is the worst because he let the Wildlings do things we disagree with.” Therefore Olly ended up hating Jon with pure seething bile. Alliser Thorne acted like a Horcrux.
Lauren: I think that was the marks of being manipulated, not his innate characteristics.