Welcome to the Sorting Hat! This is part three of our ongoing Game of Thrones sortstravaganza. If you’ve missed earlier installments, you can find part 1 here and part 2 here. While our ranks include fans of both the HBO series and the books by George R.R. Martin, our sort-a-palooza is focusing solely on the HBO series. This week, we’ve sorted a mixed bag of characters. We’ve organized the remainder of the cast geographically, and for characters who roam the maps, we’ve grouped them with the region we last saw them in on the TV show. This installment of the sorting tackles the North, those who have ventured (or originated from) beyond the Wall, and Essos.
Please note that this post contains spoilers. Tread carefully if you have not seen all aired episodes through season 6 of Game of Thrones.
Teija: Okay, Melisandre is definitely Slytherin.
Teija: That woman is a conniving, sly minx of a person.
Lauren: She has been the embodiment of manipulation and cunning and ambition for CENTURIES.
Sarah: I don’t see how she could be anything but Slytherin.
Lauren: Also, as we learned this season, the LITERAL EMBODIMENT of deception.
Teija: I’m thinking, “she manipulates people like it’s her job” and… uh. Pretty sure that’s actually what she thinks her job is.
Sarah: Wait, that’s not her job?
Teija: Hahahaha I mean she’s a Red Priestess, but I think that job description might actually say: “do whatever the hell it takes to make people do the Lord of Light’s bidding, whatever you think that means.”
Lauren: Her ambition is not for herself, it’s for “The Lord of Light,” but it’s still a driving force.
Sarah: I’d say it is THE driving force.
Teija: Onion Knight of my Heart!
Sarah: I loooooove Davos!
Teija: I think he’s Ravenclaw, and not just because that’s my house and I want him nearby.
Lauren: I was thinking Ravenclaw or Hufflepuff.
Teija: He’s the only character on this entire show that seems to have even an ounce of common sense and logic sometimes.
Lauren: He has SUCH a strong sense of fairness and decency.
Teija: Everyone around him is making terrible decisions and he’s always there like “no, guys, no.”
Sarah: I say Ravenclaw too, because he thinks through things before he takes action, and he’s also very good at strategy.
Lauren: Is it logic, though, that makes him say “guys no,” or is it his sense of decency and honor?
Teija: I think both. Also I think it says a lot that he decided he needed to know how to read and took it upon himself to learn.
Sarah: I agree with both, but which one wins out then? Because that’s an excellent point.
Teija: I’m firmly on Ravenclaw.
Lauren: Does he stand up against the insanity because it doesn’t make SENSE, or because it’s WRONG? Not to say Ravenclaws can’t stand against something on the basis of morality.
Teija: He HAS actually shown that “this doesn’t make sense” is part of his process. I think all of that stuff is there together, and he is a decent, honorable Ravenclaw.
Sarah: My gut instinct is saying Ravenclaw as well.
Lauren: I lean Hufflepuff, but I think there are strong arguments for both, so I’ll concede.
Lauren: KEEPER OF MY HEART, LIGHT OF MY WORLD!
Sarah: OH, FIERCE CHILD!
Teija: I’m not sure what house she is, but she is definitely Prefect of it.
Sarah: She’d be the first head of house that’s still a student.
Lauren: I’m going to make another argument for Hufflepuff. My reasons are as follows: She is EXTREMELY loyal to House Stark and follows them into battle even though they are WAY outnumbered. That speech she gave in the finale, “YOU SHOULD ALL BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELVES, THIS IS YOUR KING AND I AM PROUD TO FOLLOW HIM,” is so very Hufflepuff. It’s not logical or calculated or brash, it’s just pure honor and decency guiding her.
Sarah: I can see the argument for Hufflepuff, she is super loyal and stayed with the North.
Teija: I can actually see Hufflepuff here, too. Her deliberations about whether or not it was worth sending her men into the battle of the bastards are pretty based in Hufflepuff Logic, and also the loyalty she shows in standing up behind Jon Snow and the Stark army despite the odds.
Sarah: Her house has always been loyal to the Starks, and she will not break that chain. She is a true Hufflepuff.
Lauren: She is the best of Hufflepuff. She is the Hufflepuff you throw at people when they claim Hufflepuff is somehow the inferior house.
Teija: He is also a Hufflepuff, for similar reasons to Lyanna.
Lauren: I honestly will defer to you guys, as I barely remember him.
Sarah: I would agree with Hufflepuff for him as well.
Teija: Yeah he is Hufflepuff. He was one of the guys who was all about the “King in the North” situation with Robb. He was the one that Rickon went to for protection because they knew the Umbers were loyal.
Lauren: Huge check in the Puff column.
Sarah: I think the loyalty to House Stark even in rather uncertain times is a huge check for Hufflepuff.
Teija: Yeah, same.
Teija: Smalljon Umber is a sketchy little weasel.
Lauren: Groveling little traitor.
Teija: I mean, they never said outright but they heavily implied that he killed the Greatjon to defect from their loyalty to the Starks and go to the Boltons. And he definitely turned Rickon over to them and killed Shaggydog (STILL MAD).
Sarah: STILL NOT OVER SHAGGYDOG (or any of the direwolves dying, really).
Teija: And against all the hopes I had for some Umber double-backstabbing, he did not actually turn on Bolton at the last minute and stab him in the back on the battlefield, so he remained a sketchy little traitor weasel until his dying moment. I think he may be Slytherin. Or, well… is he, though?
Lauren: I…guess? I mean everything he did is super shady.
Sarah: It’s my kneejerk reaction, but it may be wrong.
Teija: He might actually be the reckless, brash Gryffindor who does a stupid thing and doesn’t think it through. He pulled a Peter Pettigrew, and Peter was a Gryffindor.
Lauren: Slytherins aren’t the only shady ones. That is actually, I think, more accurate. He attached himself to the side he felt most likely to win.
Sarah: Yeah, I will accept that.
Lauren: I don’t think it was necessarily a power play, I think it was just cowardice. Although cowardice is not Gryffindor, they’re the house of bravery.
Sarah: No, it’s not, but it’s not Slytherin either. It’s not a defining characteristic of any house.
Teija: I don’t actually agree that it was cowardice.
Lauren: I refuse to put him in Hufflepuff, if he’s not a Gryffindor or a Slytherin, he’s a squib.
Teija: I think he tried to put himself in a place where he’d reap the benefits, assuming Bolton won.
Lauren: Agreed. He’s either a slimy Slytherin or a weak Gryffindor, and I’m not sure which.
Teija: That’s where I’m kind of waffling around. Because that shows ambition, the ‘making a move to try and come out on top’ thing.
Lauren: Okay, so is he more of a Peter Pettigrew, or a Crabbe or a Goyle?
Teija: Was it actually thought out, or did he just go “THIS WILL GET ME POWER REAL FAST”?
Sarah: I think I’m leaning Slytherin.
Lauren: I think I’m leaning Slytherin, too.
Teija: He said some stuff about needing to have the Boltons on his side because he is the closest to the wildlings, too, so that sounds like an effort to be strategic.
Lauren: I say Slytherin by a narrow margin.
Teija: I think Slytherin is winning by just a bit.
Lauren: Ugh, c’mon Slytherin House, get your act together. (We still have Margaery, I will cling to this.)
Teija: Poor, pastey Jojen.
Lauren: I’m not sure…?
Sarah: My kneejerk is Hufflepuff, but that doesn’t feel totally right.
Teija: He and Meera basically kept Bran and Hodor from getting completely lost in the wilderness and dying.
Lauren: Jojen was always the one trying to get them to make rational decisions (based on visions, but still, rational to him).
Sarah: In order to not get lost or die in the wilderness, you need to have a lot of knowledge of wilderness things.
Teija: Yeah, I’m leaning Ravenclaw on him, because he was this guiding character with a lot of wisdom.
Sarah: So between that and making rational decisions based on his logic, I can see the argument for Ravenclaw.
Teija: He also helped Bran understand his powers.
Lauren: Yeah, he was Mr. Explains Things, which is very Ravenclaw.
Teija: Amateur wilderness maester, haha.
Lauren: He feels more Ravenclaw than anything else.
Teija: Ravenclaw fits to me.
Teija: I think she’s a Hufflepuff.
Sarah: Yes, Hufflepuff fits her better.
Lauren: I think she is a Gryffindor.
Teija: Her brother died before her eyes and she is still sticking around with Bran because she feels loyalty to him and the mission they’re on.
Lauren: Yes, but: “WARG INTO HODOR, BRAN.” “HOLD THE DOOR.”
Teija: Okay, true, those things were NOT thought out. YOU DO NOT WARG INTO HUMAN BEINGS, MEERA.
Lauren: Nor were they motivated by a sense of decency or loyalty.
Teija: Her sticking around with Bran knowing it’s dangerous above the Wall can also be classified as bravery in addition to loyalty.
Lauren: She acted in the moment and betrayed her own principles.
Sarah: But her actions were also motivated by fear in the moment, so I’m not sure that discounts the Hufflepuff-ness. But I can see the argument for Gryffindor.
Lauren: Gryffindors can be very loyal.
Teija: Well also they weren’t HER principles, they were her brother’s. He was the one who could do the greenseeing.
Lauren: She told Bran that warging into humans was wrong before, but then she told him to do it.
Teija: Now Jojen is dead and he isn’t there to keep her from saying stupid things like, “Warg into Hodor, Bran.” She could have known that as a lesson her brother had said, it doesn’t necessarily mean she knew WHY it was bad.
Lauren: True, I’m just saying she went against something she’d previously said in the heat of the moment, whatever her motivation for saying it.
Teija: I’m not disagreeing.
Sarah: I’m still leaning toward Hufflepuff, but I’ll concede if you two agree.
Teija: I’m thinking Gryffindor with Puffy secondaries out the wazoo.
Lauren: I am firm on Gryffindor. She just has a lot of the overlapping characteristics with Hufflepuff.
Teija: He’s a human dictionary. Ravenclaw.
Sarah: That’s so Raven(claw)… yeah, I went there.
Lauren: SWEET HODOR. Hufflepuff.
Lauren: Precious Hufflepuff Hodor.
Sarah: The most loyal. He and Lyanna would be besties. With her fierceness and his sweetness, they’d be pals for life.
Lauren: He is not brave, but he is kind and decent and loyal, and that gives him strength. single tear
Teija: Yeah, Hodor’s totally a Hufflepuff. sob
Lauren: moment of silence
Lauren: Kneejerk reaction is Slytherin.
Teija: Gryffindor, I think. In the good way. I mean she did some seriously brave things. Including the one that got her killed.
Lauren: She did. She is also very cunning.
Teija: I think Wildlings kind of have to be.
Lauren: Her miscalculation was not realizing how big of a psychopath Ramsay was.
Teija: Yeah, absolutely.
Lauren: But that was a smart, calculated play.
Teija: She also was very, very protective of Rickon. She stayed with him that whole way, through to the end.
Sarah: Slytherins protect those they consider their own.
Lauren: That’s true, and he was a liability since it can’t be easy to stay hidden with a little kid, even if he did have a giant scary direwolf.
Sarah: Does her cunning or her bravery win out as most defining feature?
Lauren: It’s hard, because she uses them in tandem.
Sarah: Yeah, I know. I’m torn.
Lauren: When we first meet her, before she goes off with Rickon, what was her inclination? I feel like she kept waiting for the opportune moment. She played along until she saw an advantage.
Sarah: Which I say tips the scale to Slytherin.
Teija: I… am still kinda leaning Gryffindor here.
Lauren: I definitely lean Slytherin for her.
Teija: I’m seeing all the arguments for both of them, but I still don’t know. But if we’re 2-1 on Slytherin, then that wins out.
Teija: Tormund is a Gryffindor, hardcore. Mr. “I’ll Do The Thing, You Just Watch Me.”
Sarah: Oh, he is absolutely Gryffindor. “Why yes, I will rush headlong into this battle with Jon even though we’re probably going to die! I AM GOING TO TAKE THEM DOWN!”
Teija: “I WILL TAKE THEM DOWN WITH MY TEETH!”
Lauren: AND MY FACE!
Teija: SWORDLESSNESS IS NOTHING!
Lauren: Also yes, I agree that he is Gryffindor.
Sarah: Ummmmmmm, I want to say Ravenclaw.
Teija: Uhhhh… yeah, I think I’d put him in Ravenclaw. Show!Mance for sure. For Book!Mance, I think I’d have some words. He’s one of those heavily altered dudes.
Lauren: Well all I know is Show!Mance, and he was very logical and able to be reasoned with.
Teija: I’m just saying it took me a second to kinda flip through the rolodex of my brain and go, “Show!Mance did what now?”
Sarah: Yeah, Book!Mance was vastly different, but Show!Mance is more Ravenclaw.
Teija: I’d argue Slytherin for Book!Mance all day, but yeah, Show!Mance was Ravenclaw.
Sarah: “Showmance.” snort
Lauren: I think Gryffindor?
Teija: Ygritte had no fear.
Sarah: I think Gryffindor for her as well. She was brash and fearless and very impulsive.
Teija: Ygritte is Gryffindor.
Sarah: I loved her. I loved her so much.
Lauren: Yeah, and she acted rashly on many occasions. I loved her, too.
Teija: So much love. She was totally Quidditch Captain.
Lauren: Her whole “You break my heart, I SHOOT YOU IN THE BACK” thing feels very Gryffindor. Spurned Gryffindor.
Teija: She’s that Gryffindor that walks into the great hall and everyone is like “COME SIT WITH ME!” Or at least I would be. “Please be my friend, Ygritte.”
Lauren: I would be, too. I miss her.
Teija: Me too.
Teija: ZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz Gilly.
Sarah: She boooooores me. I guess?
Teija: I have no feelings about Gilly. She never lets go of that baby? She is attached to Sam? Hufflepuff, I guess?
Lauren: “To Hufflepuff go the rest.” I think that is Gilly. She is firmly “the rest.”
Teija: At least she’s not constantly crying. Book!Gilly has been sobbing in the background for something like three books now, I just wanna reach into the pages and shake her.
Sarah: Yuuuuuup. She is at the least annoying, and at the most a waste of words.
Teija: I feel like GRRM felt bad that Sam didn’t have someone to talk to or something. “Jon’s so busy with his destiny. Here, have a Wildling girl to chat with.”
Lauren: Ha, pretty much.
Teija: Anyway, that’s a tangent. I agree with Hufflepuff.
Lauren: I think with the Dothraki we need to dig down under their culture.
Teija: Isn’t it kind of a rule that Khals have to be Gryffindors?
Lauren: They can’t all be Gryffindors.
Sarah: I think that is an excellent point.
Lauren: I’m not saying he CAN’T be a Gryffindor.
Sarah: I don’t think all the Dothraki can be Gryffindors, but I do think to be a Khal, that might be indicative of your defining traits.
Teija: I don’t think all the Dothraki are Gryffindors, but I would bet that their Gryffindors rise to the top and end up being the greatest warriors.
Lauren: The Dothraki culture leans extremely Gryffindor, and that is how they are all expected to appear, regardless of their underlying personalities.
Sarah: I agree with that, but I think those that rise to the top tend to be true Gryffindors, since those are the traits that are prized.
Teija: What we got of Drogo does lean Gryffindor, like that knee-jerk reaction that led to Viserys having his “crown of gold.”
Lauren: My ONE hesitation with that for Drogo is how he treated Dany, once he eventually realized she was Not Into Her Wifely Duties.
Teija: I mean, Gryffindors can fall head over heels!
Sarah: I lean Gryffindor for Drogo, totally.
Lauren: That is true, it’s more how he stepped back and reconsidered how he was interacting with her and altered his own behavior to make her more comfortable. I mean… marginally. However, I am good with Gryffindor.
Sarah: I think Gryffindors are capable of that as well, it’s just not their first instinct. cough RON.
Teija: Hahaha yeah and I mean he did it ONLY FOR HER. If he’d altered the rules of being in his Khalasar or something, maybe it would say more to me, but he basically was like, “I love you, so I’ll be softer and nicer inside our tent.”
Lauren: He just had some underlying sensitivity that I think was squashed by the culture he was raised in.
Sarah: Agreed, but I don’t think that makes him un-Gryffindor. I think Gryffindors are fully capable of that for people they care about.
Lauren: No I’m not saying that, just that I think all his Gryffindor traits were amped up and everything else was snuffed out. But I’m good with Gryffindor.
Teija: I actually think Hufflepuff for Rakharo. He’s one of the few that stuck with Dany after Khal Drogo died.
Lauren: I was thinking that as well.
Teija: And he became one of her bloodriders.
Lauren: Yeah, he goes against the Dothraki way to stick with her because of his loyalty and his word to Drogo.
Sarah: I would agree with Hufflepuff as well, based on sticking with Dany.
Lauren: I think all Dothraki will be brave and fierce, but his sticking by Dany’s side makes him inherently Hufflepuff.
Lauren: Grey Worm is hard, because he wasn’t ALLOWED to have a personality for so long.
Teija: I want to say Ravenclaw as my first instinct. He’s proven that he’s got a really good mind for strategy and leadership.
Sarah: I can see an argument for Ravenclaw, once he was allowed to have a personality.
Lauren: I’m trying to think of how he acts when he is actually feeling like he can be himself.
Sarah: It’s slowly showing through.
Teija: Dany trusts him to advise her.
Sarah: I want to say Hufflepuff, but I think that’s my kneejerk reaction to how he was expected to act, so I think that’s wrong.
Lauren: So much of that warrior mentality is thrust upon the Unsullied, so him being a good strategist could just be training.
Teija: He’s a tough one because for a while he was a drone. I think what we’ve seen of him since… I think he’s Ravenclaw.
Lauren: I think how he interacts with Missandei is a clue, as he’s more comfortable with her than anyone else. Yeah, I think I’m okay with Ravenclaw for Grey Worm. I think in his conversations with Missandei, he has proven to be thoughtful, and he is a smart strategist and advisor.
Sarah: I agree completely with that.
Lauren: So… she speaks all the languages, but that doesn’t automatically make her Ravenclaw.
Teija: She’s also shown some cunning in the way she’s helped Dany.
Sarah: I’m sorta leaning Slytherin for her.
Lauren: She is SO loyal to Dany.
Teija: I’m thinking specifically of the way she helped with the guy they fake-sold Drogon to.
Lauren: Yeah, I was about to say that.
Sarah: Hmmm true. So is her cunning more out of loyalty to Dany, or is it cunning because it’s her personality?
Teija: She has proven that she’s really sharp, but I think hers is a Slytherin sharpness, moreso than a Ravenclaw.
Lauren: She rose to a position of relative power and influence, considering that she was a slave.
Teija: She’s quiet, but she’s always observing, too.
Sarah: You both make excellent points, and I think I am still leaning Slytherin for her.
Teija: I think we’ve even seen her let people underestimate her when it gives her the advantage. I’m fuzzier on earlier season stuff, but that stuff with the fake sale of Drogon really makes me think Slytherin.
Lauren: I am really comfortable with that for her. She’s very moral and loyal, but I think she is inherently very calculating and cunning.
Lauren: Daario is… uh…Gryffindor…?
Teija: Daario is Gryffindor, I think.
Lauren: I feel like his characterization has been all over the place.
Sarah: I say Gryffindor as well.
Teija: He’s Mr. Showy “let me fight the things to impress you.” He has had the unfortunate side effect of double casting.
Lauren: That, too.
Teija: First he was Francis from Deadpool, and now he’s Michiel Huisman (and MY GOD HE IS ATTRACTIVE, I’m kind of mad at Game of Thrones for making me think Daario is hot, because book Daario is vile).
Lauren: The killing of his superiors in the Second Sons is a little headscratchy. I guess that’s a Gryffindor thing to do? Kill your superiors and just take over because you want to be in charge?
Teija: Is that ambition or a brash decision that just went his way?
Sarah: It doesn’t look like it had any thought to it. Just, “yeah, okay, I will do this now.”
Lauren: It was just like, “I should be in charge CHOP CHOP CHOP!”
Sarah: Which is more Gryffindor than anything else.
Lauren: I don’t think it’s a PERFECT fit, but it’s better than the other three.
Lauren: Heart-eyed, greyscaled Jorah.
Teija: Nice Guy(TM) of Essos. Does “following Dany around like an insistent puppy” count as loyalty? Because I feel like for him it’s more obsessive lust than necessarily loyalty.
Sarah: I don’t think that’s exactly loyalty, not of the Hufflepuff variety at least.
Lauren: I wonder if he’s a thoroughly smitten Nice Guy Ravenclaw.
Teija: It has an ulterior motive, it’s not “loyalty.”
Lauren: “I traded information on you because it seemed like a good idea at the time, but now I love you, so I won’t anymore.”
Teija: He’s not particularly cunning or ambitious, so not Slytherin.
Lauren: No, he’s definitely not Slytherin or Hufflepuff.
Teija: He did serve as a pretty good advisor, when she let him be there. He has a head for that kind of thing, he just let his pantsfeels get in the way.
Sarah: I will agree with Nice Guy Ravenclaw.
Teija: Whatever he is, he’s a Nice Guy version of it, and I feel sorry for the women in his house.
Lauren: Agreed, I think he’s a smart, intellectual guy that gets stupid around a pretty girl.
Teija: He’s a Ravenclaw who needs therapy.
Sarah: Fine, we’ll take him, I guess.
Teija: Ugh, fine.
Sarah: But someone needs to supervise him at all times in the common room.
Lauren: Hey, Ravenclaw needs SOME unsavory types. HAVE YOU SEEN MY HOUSE?
Teija: S L Y T H E R I N
Sarah: Yup, Slytherin.
Lauren: Varys clawed his way up to the top from literally nothing, he is SO Slytherin.
Teija: Thanks, Varys, for being actually easy to sort.
Xaro Xhoan Daxos
Lauren: I think perhaps also Slytherin?
Teija: He was in season 2… and I just remember that DANY outsmarted him, and she’s not particuarly good at those kinds of things.
Sarah: I would also say Slytherin there. Did she outmart him because he was all “d’oh, pretty girl,” or because she atually beat him in a battle of wits?
Lauren: He had been playing the game really well for a while before Dany came along.
Teija: Well, he thought he was playing her, but she outplayed him.
Lauren: Once again, Slytherins don’t have to be SMART. Just cunning. He THOUGHT he was playing her, which is Slytherin.
Teija: Yeah, also that doesn’t mean he’s stupid necessarily, just that Dany found his weakness.
Lauren: Exactly, and the whole flaunting-his-wealth thing speaks to his pride and ambition.
Teija: I’m good with Slytherin.
Lauren: He’s someone who I think used to be much more sly than when we meet him, because he’s already risen to the height of his power and has gotten comfortable. And then he totally underestimates the little blonde girl.
Teija: Hahaha yeah. Whoopsie.