Our Definitive Ranking of The West Wing Characters

We’re huge fans of The West Wing, we’ve seen every episode at least twice, and quotes from the show often work their way into our everyday conversations. So we were appalled last week when The Wire gave their terrible, horrible, no-good, very bad “Definitive Ranking of Every Character on ‘The West Wing’”. We ranted on Twitter, we bitched over gchat, we argued every single miniscule point about the list (HOW DO YOU PUT JOSH LYMAN IN 17th PLACE? OR DONNA MOSS AT 39!?).

And then we figured, why not put that rage to good use and write our own? So here it is. Our better, more accurate ranking of the characters on The West Wing. We figure it’s pretty ridiculous to do everyone that’s ever had a moment on the screen (how are you going to differentiate between one guest star and another?), but a top 20 should cover the major players.

20. Simon Donovan

Played By: Mark Harmon

Best Episode: The Black Vera Wang

Best Quote: “By the way, I can’t guarantee anything, except to say that if you’re dead, chances are I am too.”

 

19: Ron Butterfield

Played By: Michael O’Neill

Best Episode: In The Shadow Of Two Gunmen (Parts 1 & 2)

Best Quote: “We got the President in the car. We got Zoey in the car, and at 150 yards and five stories up, the shooters were down in 9.2 seconds after the first shot was fired. I would never let you not let me protect the President. It was the act of madmen. Anyway, the Secret Service doesn’t comment on procedure.”

 

18: Kate Harper

Played By: Mary McCormack

Best Episode: Running Mates

Best Quote: “Ambassador, listen carefully. An hour ago, I reviewed the United States contingency plan to invade your country. 1789, amended in 1815. The calligraphy is beautiful. And if one more deal is floated in this room, I’m gonna ask DoD to reactivate it.”

 

17: Debbie Fiderer

Played By: Lily Tomlin

Best Episode: 20 Hours in America

Best Quote: (TIE) “I had a tempestuous affair with a rodeo cowboy during the Summer of Love that the Hollies played a significant role in.”

“That come with tights and a cape?”

 

16: Mallory O’Brien

Played By: Allison Smith

Best Episode: Pilot

Best Quote: Sam: You’re asking me out on a date.
Mallory: No, I’m asking you to accompany me to see an internationally renowned opera company perform a work indigenous to its culture.
Sam: Right, and in what way will it distinguish itself from a date?
Mallory: There will be, under no circumstances, sex for you at the end of the evening.

15: Will Bailey

Played By: Joshua Malina

Best Episode: Red Haven’s on Fire

Best Quote: “I heard once – I don’t know if this is true – I heard once that you convinced the President to let you rewrite a section of the State of the Union with less than twenty-four hours to go. It was the second year and everybody was a Republican, whether they were or not, and people at the DNC had convinced him to include the line, ‘The era of big government is over.’ And you couldn’t live with it. Because government should be a place where people come together and no one gets left behind. An instrument of good. And that’s exactly what we heard in the State of the Union the next night.”

14: Dolores Landingham

Played By: Kathryn Joosten

Best Episode: 18th and Potomac

Best Quote: “You know, if you don’t want to run again, I respect that. But if you don’t run ‘cause you think it’s gonna be too hard or you think you’re gonna lose — well, god, Jed, I don’t even want to know you.”

 

13: Joey Lucas

Played By: Marlee Matlin

Best Episode: Lies, Damn Lies, and Statistics

Best Quote: “You should be afraid of me, pal. I can create problems for you you’ve never even heard of.”

 

 

12: Danny Concannon

Played By: Timothy Busfield

Best Episode: Commencement

Best Quote: “I’m going to give you a couple of hours to sit down with Leo and figure out what you can tell me to convince me I shouldn’t print what I have. Otherwise, comment on it or don’t comment on it, but it’s the lead in tomorrow’s paper. And by the way, that’s the brand of courtesy that you have never extended me.”

11: Ainsley Hayes

Played By: Emily Procter

Best Episode: And It’s Surely to Their Credit

Best Quote: “I said don’t say that. Say they’re smug and superior. Say their approach to public policy makes you want to tear your hair out. Say they like high taxes and spending your money. Say they want to take your guns and open your borders, but don’t call them worthless. At least don’t do it in front of me. The people that I have met have been extraordinarily qualified, their intent is good. Their commitment is true, they are righteous, and they are patriots. And I’m their lawyer.”

10: (TIE) Percy Fitzwallace

Played By: John Amos

Best Episode: We Killed Yamamoto

Best Quote: “The problem with that is that’s what they were saying about me 50 years ago – blacks shouldn’t serve with whites. It would disrupt the unit. You know what? It did disrupt the unit. The unit got over it. The unit changed. I’m an admiral in the U.S. Navy and Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff… Beat that with a stick.”

Nancy McNally

Played By: Anna Deavere Smith

Best Episode: The Women of Qumar

Best Quote: “I’m the only woman on a conference call. Delaney can’t tell when it’s me talking. Do I have a bizarrely androgynous voice?”

9: Sam Seaborn

Played By: Rob Lowe

Best Episode: Celestial Navigation

Best Quote: “Mallory, education is the silver bullet. Education is everything. We don’t need little changes, we need gigantic, monumental changes. Schools should be palaces. The competition for the best teachers should be fierce. They should be making six-figure salaries. Schools should be incredibly expensive for government and absolutely free of charge to its citizens, just like national defense. That’s my position. I just haven’t figured out how to do it yet.”

8: Donna Moss

Played By: Janel Moloney

Best Episode: The Stackhouse Filibuster

Best Quote: (TIE) “If you were in an accident, I wouldn’t stop for red lights.”

“No, I’m very upset. I don’t know the words to my national anthem. I’ve been throwing out Canadian pennies my whole life. I’ve been making fun of the Queen! We don’t do that. ”

7: Charlie Young

Played By: Dule Hill

Best Episode: Shibboleth

Best Quote: “This is Ms. Cregg. She’s the White House Press Secretary and senior counsel to the President. And if she wasn’t, she would still be Ms. Cregg! I don’t mind you not respecting people. I mind you doing it out loud. I mind you doing it in this building. You wanna be a punk, fine, but I don’t think you’ve got the size for it. You wanna go to juvey, get out, deal, and kill cops? Okay, but every time you do a crime, you get caught, so I think you’re gonna have to do something else. 9:00 on Saturday mornings, I eat breakfast at Cosmo’s on Delaware. I come here for an hour and do office work, and then I go to St. Jude’s for an hour to play basketball. You can go to juvey, or you can be at Cosmo’s 9:00 on Saturday morning. It’s entirely up to you.”

6: Jed Bartlet

Played By: Martin Sheen

Best Episode: Two Cathedrals

Best Quote: “I was watching a television program before, with a sort of a roving moderator who spoke to a seated panel of young women who were having some sort of problem with their boyfriends – apparently, because the boyfriends had all slept with the girlfriends’ mothers. Then they brought the boyfriends out, and they all fought, right there on television. Toby, tell me: these people don’t vote, do they?”

5: Abby Bartlet

Played By: Stockard Channing

Best Episode: Dead Irish Writers

Best Quote: “You kicked off your re-election campaign and I’m sitting here eating a sandwich ’cause we had a deal.”

4: Josh Lyman

Played By: Bradley Whitford

Best Episode: Noel

Best Quote: (TIE) “I want to be a comfort to my friends in tragedy and I want to be able to celebrate with them in triumph. And for all the times in between, I just want to be able to look them in the eye.”

“I drink from the keg of glory, Donna. Bring me the finest muffins and bagels in all the land.”

3: Toby Ziegler

Played By: Richard Schiff

Best Episode: In Excelsis Deo

Best Quote: “When you think of Afghanistan, think of Poland. When you think of the Taliban, think of the Nazis. When you think of the citizens of Afghanistan, think of the Jews in concentration camps. A friend of my dad’s was at one of the camps. He used to come over to the house, and he and my dad used to shoot some pinochle. He said he once saw a guy at the camp kneeling and praying. He said, ‘What are you doing?’ The guy said he was thanking God. And my dad’s friend said, ‘What could you possibly be thanking God for?’ He said, ‘I’m thanking God for not making me like them.’ Bad people can’t be recognized on sight. There’s no point in trying.”

2: Leo McGarry

Played By: John Spencer

Best Episode: Let Barlet Be Bartlet

Best Quote: (TIE)  “Listen up — our ground game isn’t working. We’re gonna put the ball in the air. If we’re gonna walk into walls, I want us running into ‘em full speed.”

“All right! Shut the hell up everybody. I’ve fired more people than you before breakfast”

1: CJ Cregg

Played By: Allison Janney

Best Episode: The Long Goodbye

Best Quote: “You know what, I’ve spent the last 14 hours being snickered at by US Senators, being ostracized on the world wide web, and having my own colleagues question my ability to do my job. So I don’t think it really matters whether I’m gay or straight, or just the best damn basketball player in Ohio Valley history. No one should be treated this way.”