If you’re anything like us, you’ve spent the better part of the last two weeks glued to your TV as top athletes from around the world compete for gold, silver, and bronze in sports that we tend to forget exist most of the time, but care passionately about for two weeks every four years. No matter your views on the current state of politics or government or social justice, there’s something undeniably inspiring about watching your country’s top athletes giving all they have to their chosen event. We in the United States may not be united on a lot of fronts right now, but that hasn’t stopped anyone I know from being able to cheer on Katie Ledecky, Aly Raisman, Simone Manuel, Simone Biles, Michael Phelps, David Boudia, Nathan Adrian, and a whole slew of others as they shattered records and raked in medals for Team USA.
There’s no denying that the Olympics can bring people from all sorts of disparate walks of life together — so what about disparate fandoms? Today, inspired by the unifying powers of the Games, I’m imagining what a new sort of Olympic team would look like. One that is assembled from a community defined not be geographical boundaries, but by shared interests. What would the Games look like if the Opening Ceremonies included a team made up of all our favorite characters from books, movies, television, and comics? Well… maybe a little like this.
Archery
Katniss Everdeen, The Hunger Games
She gets the squirrel through the eye every time.
Ygritte, Game of Thrones
Is it within regulation to paint the targets with the faces of your enemies?
Susan Pevensie, The Chronicles of Narnia
I wonder if Cair Paravel has a display case for Olympic medals.
Robin Hood
The Olympics could use a few more split arrows.
Clint Barton/Hawkeye, Marvel Comics
Everyone else will be battling for the silver.
Oliver Queen/Green Arrow, DC Comics
Is there an Olympic category for shooting tennis balls?
Boxing
Sarah Walker, Chuck
I almost feel sorry for anyone who has to face the “giant blond she-male.”
Kara “Starbuck” Thrace, Battlestar Galactica
She’d probably fare even better in the ring if she wasn’t carrying around so much baggage about her opponent.
Cycling
The kids from Stranger Things
Especially if 011 is helping out from the stands.
Diving
Finnick Odair, The Hunger Games
It’s not really a stretch to imagine that the golden boy of the fishing district would also know his way around a diving board.
Faith Lehane, Buffy the Vampire Slayer/Angel
She dives so much on land, just imagine what she can do in water.
Equestrian
Atreyu, The Neverending Story
As long as he avoids the Swamp of Sadness, he should be fine.
Éomir, Lord of the Rings
Literally born for this event.
Fencing
Inigo Montoya, The Princess Bride
Olympic gold is just as worthy a quest as vengeance, right?
Will Turner, Pirates of the Caribbean
Maybe one of the few athletes on Team Fandom who actually practices.
Zorro
Can you even slice a Z into a fencing jacket?
The Bride, Kill Bill
Turns out there aren’t a plethora of female fencers in fandom, but surely The Bride’s skills with her katana wouldn’t be too hard to nudge in a slightly different direction.
Michonne, The Walking Dead
Considering that Michonne is entirely self-taught with her katana, just imagine what she could do with some coaching and a saber.
Gymnastics
Men’s Team:
Dick Grayson/Robin, DC Comics
Acrobat + superhero is probably about as close as fandom gets to gymnastics.
Legolas, Lord of the Rings
We never saw the Prince of Mirkwood do the splits, but I’m pretty sure he can.
Simon Bellamy, Misfits
Parkour is kind of like tumbling, right?
Peter Parker/Spider-Man, Marvel Comics
Just imagine what he could accomplish with rings instead of webbing.
Kurt Wagner/Nightcrawler, Marvel Comics
Another superhero + acrobat, with superpowers.
Women’s Team:
Natasha Romanoff/Black Widow, Marvel Comics
The ballet training will probably come in handy too.
Mystique, Marvel Comics
For all we know, Mystique has already competed in the Olympics and we just haven’t found out yet.
Harley Quinn, DC Comics
Anyone who’s watched Batman: The Animated Series knows Harley could handle an Olympic gymnastics routine in her sleep.
River Tam, Firefly
Just need to learn her trigger word for gymnastics.
Selena Kyle/Catwoman, DC Comics
Cats always stick the landing, right?
Rhythmic Gymnastics
Diana Prince/Wonder Woman, DC Comics
Uniquely qualified for both the rope and the ribbon.
Judo
Barbara Gordon/Batgirl, DC Comics
Prior to becoming Batgirl, Barbara earned her black belt in judo.
Sydney Bristow, Alias
Honestly, there is no form of combat where Sydney Bristow feels unqualified.
Neo, The Matrix
Now downloading judo subroutine.
Rowing
Gendry, Game of Thrones
Is there a medal for “longest amount of time spent rowing,” because it’s been like three seasons.
Sailing
Elizabeth Swann, Pirates of the Caribbean
The best thing about Olympic medals is how they’re probably not cursed.
Jack Sparrow, Pirates of the Caribbean
Perhaps the worst Olympian you’ve ever heard of, but you have heard of him.
Shooting
Roland Deschain, The Dark Tower
Being the last gunslinger means he automatically gets the gold, right?
Frank Castle/Punisher, Marvel Comics
The best part of Frank Castle’s participation in the Olympics is every part.
Floyd Lawton/Deadshot, DC Comics
He. Never. Misses.
Swimming
Percy Jackson, Percy Jackson and the Olympians
Michael Phelps may be part dolphin, but he’s got nothing on the son of Poseidon.
Arthur Curry/Aquaman, DC Comics
He may not make great time, but one butterfly stroke from Aquaman would probably send every other competitor flying out of the pool in a massive wave.
Taekwondo
Buffy Summers, Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Not sure exactly which discipline vampire slaying falls under, but surely taekwondo isn’t that far off.
Worf, Star Trek: The Next Generation/Deep Space Nine
But are the Olympics more or less of a challenge than Level 2 in Klingon calisthenics?
Track and Field
All racing events:
Barry Allen/The Flash, DC Comics
Okay this is probably not fair.
Pietro Maximoff/Quicksilver, Marvel Comics
Yeah… this is definitely not fair.
Long jump:
Jareth the Goblin King, Labyrinth
The real question is would he change out those pants for a regulation uniform.
Literally every single event:
Steve Rogers/Captain America & Bucky Barnes/Winter Solider, Marvel Comics
We’re just going to assume that super soldier serum is not considered a performance enhancing drug.
Weightlifting
Bruce Banner/Hulk, Marvel Comics
Now just imagine if he used both hands.
Drax, Marvel Comics
…how much would you say that guy weighs?
Wrestling
Bjorn Ironside, Vikings
Not much can intimidate a Viking, especially one who has taken out larger men and much larger bears.
Fezzik, The Princess Bride
shrug He doesn’t even exercise.
Which characters would you like to see compete in the Summer Olympics? Can you put together a beach volleyball team, or find the perfect competitors for the triathlon? Let us know your picks in the comments!