{"id":2137,"date":"2016-07-25T11:30:06","date_gmt":"2016-07-25T15:30:06","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.avengingforce.com\/?p=2137"},"modified":"2016-07-25T17:46:25","modified_gmt":"2016-07-25T21:46:25","slug":"in-which-lauren-sarah-reluctantly-watch-batman-v-superman-dawn-of-justice","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.avengingforce.com\/?p=2137","title":{"rendered":"In Which Lauren & Sarah Reluctantly Watch “Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Justice”"},"content":{"rendered":"

With\u00a0Suicide Squad<\/a>\u00a0<\/em>getting ready to release next month and DC dropping the trailers for both\u00a0Wonder Woman<\/a>\u00a0<\/em>and\u00a0Justice League<\/a>\u00a0<\/em>last week at Comic-Con, we (Sarah and Lauren) decided it was finally time to pull the trigger on\u00a0Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Justice<\/em>. While in theory we would be all about a new Batman and Superman movie\u00a0that also introduces Wonder Woman and\u00a0begins to set up\u00a0the Justice League, both of us were pretty disappointed in 2013’s\u00a0Man of Steel<\/em>, so we’ve been resisting the sequel for a while. It didn’t help that nearly all the reviews we read for Dawn of Justice\u00a0<\/em>were less than glowing, and that it seemed pretty broadly disliked by critics and fans alike.<\/p>\n

Ultimately, though, we were both intrigued enough by Batfleck and excited enough about DC’s upcoming slate of movies to finally sit down this weekend and watch the second installment in DC’s cinematic universe. Plus, we like to hold informed opinions, and it was beginning to bother us both that we hadn’t seen this movie that so divided the fandom.<\/p>\n

However, since we were fully expecting a less-than-stellar movie, we did what we could to liven up the viewing experience by watching together (because bad movies are always better with friends), throwing in some wine, and writing down all\u00a0our (occasionally confused, often distracted) thoughts.<\/p>\n

So, for better or worse, what follows are our genuine, unfiltered reactions to the theatrical version of\u00a0Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Justice<\/em>, a\u00a0movie that is —\u00a0to put it mildly — a really bizarre entry into the comic canon.<\/p>\n

And in case it isn’t obvious: this post includes massive spoilers for both\u00a0Man of Steel\u00a0<\/em>and\u00a0Batman v. Superman.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

\"batman-v-superman-trinity\"<\/p>\n

Sarah<\/strong>: HI!<\/p>\n

Lauren<\/strong>: HELLO<\/p>\n

Sarah<\/strong>: Why yes internet, Lauren and I ARE chatting while sitting next to each other on the couch<\/p>\n

Lauren<\/strong>: HI INTERNETS we’ve had some wine because that’s the only way we’re getting through this movie
\n(I haven’t seen it yet but I’m pretty sure this is true)<\/p>\n

Sarah<\/strong>: I\u2019m rooting for Batman, though I’m not sure that was even a question people had<\/p>\n

Lauren<\/strong>: After Man of Steel I would root for a cardboard box over Superman
\n(For the record: I actually love Superman, just not the MoS version)
\nHere is what I remember from Man of Steel: Pa Kent says not to help anyone. He dies. Zod attacks. Superman throws a tantrum. MASS DESTRUCTION EVERYWHERE. Superman kills Zod. No kryptonite anywhere.
\nAnd now we are ready for Bats v. Supes.<\/p>\n

Sarah<\/strong>: Here’s what I remember: Elliot from SVU and Gaeta from BSG
\nAnd Toby Zeigler<\/p>\n

Lauren<\/strong>: BvS opens with the Wayne family going to see a movie and looking happy, which means they’re probably not seeing this movie<\/p>\n

Sarah<\/strong>: I am SHOCKED that we are seeing the death of the Waynes. Again. For the billionth time.<\/p>\n

Lauren<\/strong>: It’s like the death of Uncle Ben. Or a Lay’s potato chip. You can’t have just one.<\/p>\n

Sarah<\/strong>: Oh my. That IS Jeffery Dean Morgan as Thomas Wayne
\nHello Negan<\/p>\n

Lauren<\/strong>: HOW DID I NOT KNOW HE WAS IN THIS MOVIE
\nI blame YOU internet
\nAnd also…me actively avoiding knowledge of this movie<\/p>\n

Sarah<\/strong>: Aaand Lauren Cohan as Martha Wayne
\nThat’s a pairing I never thought I’d see<\/p>\n

\"ezgif.com-crop<\/p>\n

Lauren<\/strong>:\u00a0Ewwwww Negan and Maggie
\nI don’t need that headcanon<\/p>\n

Sarah<\/strong>: I also feel that it’s a requirement to have a scene where young Bruce is attacked by bats<\/p>\n

Lauren<\/strong>: Wait
\nWhy is Bruce flying
\nBRUCE IS NOT AN ACTUAL BAT, BVS<\/p>\n

Sarah<\/strong>: Because he’s the bat man. duh.<\/p>\n

Lauren<\/strong>: NO
\nI REJECT THIS OPENING<\/p>\n

Sarah<\/strong>: I\u2026.no, he is ACTUALLY flying.
\nNo<\/p>\n

Lauren<\/strong>: BATMAN DOESN’T FLY<\/p>\n

Sarah<\/strong>: OH IT’S A DREAM
\nTHAT MAKES MORE SENSE
\nSorta<\/p>\n

Lauren<\/strong>: Zack Snyder credit, I made a nasty face, FTR<\/p>\n

Sarah<\/strong>: In Batfleck’s first appearance he is wearing The Outfit, so he already has my vote<\/p>\n

\"ezgif.com-crop<\/p>\n

Lauren<\/strong>: Grown-up Bruce sees Zod’s ship destroying Metropolis (\/Gotham?) and I’m already on his side because MoS was horrible
\nScrew you, ending of MoS<\/p>\n

Sarah<\/strong>: I thought we’d agreed never to revisit MoS ever again
\nWhy is this happening, why are we back here in this black hole of terrible<\/p>\n

Lauren<\/strong>: I’m happy to revisit it if it’s to shine a light on how much it sucks
\nI am Bruce Wayne’s righteous anger<\/p>\n

Sarah<\/strong>: That really only needs a very tiny light<\/p>\n

Lauren<\/strong>: ALSO I should state for the record that I am 100000000% here for Batfleck
\nI don’t even know what that number is but it is very large, like my affection for Batfleck without having seen this movie<\/p>\n

Sarah<\/strong>: I am ALSO team Batfleck. And have been since the first announcement was made<\/p>\n

Lauren<\/strong>: SAME
\nWho is this old man dying in Bruce’s building
\nAnd why does he have a Spy Communicator<\/p>\n

Sarah<\/strong>: Batfleck has already won my affection by being so concerned for his employees<\/p>\n

Lauren<\/strong>: Why is there a horse
\nSo many questions already
\nBruce Wayne has already shown more empathy for humanity than Clark did in ALL OF MOS<\/p>\n

Sarah<\/strong>: Bruce Wayne has saved a child in the first five minutes and therefore has already done more for the human race than Superman did IN HIS ENTIRE MOVIE<\/p>\n

Lauren<\/strong>: (Maybe soon I will stop complaining about MOS)
\n(BUT ALSO MAYBE NOT)<\/p>\n

Sarah<\/strong>: Batfleck is hugging a child and my heart is melting<\/p>\n

\"ezgif.com-crop<\/p>\n

Lauren<\/strong>: Ahhhhh yes, we are seeing Superman’s temper tantrum in which he LEVELED A CITY
\nBruce is JUSTIFIABLY ANGRY ABOUT THIS<\/p>\n

Sarah<\/strong>:\u00a0We have now abruptly jumped from New York\u2026I mean Metropolis to SOMEWHERE IN THE INDIAN OCEAN
\nFOR REASONS
\nAPPARENTLY<\/p>\n

Lauren<\/strong>: Is this guy on this random island supposed to remind me of Jorah Mormont because
\nHEY IS THAT KRYPTONITE
\nYAY WE REMEMBERED KRYPTONITE EXISTS<\/p>\n

Sarah<\/strong>: Oh Hello Amy Adams, I’d almost forgotten that you were in MoS
\nAnd I was okay with that<\/p>\n

Lauren<\/strong>: “I’m not a lady I’m a journalist” is this supposed to be tough because IIIIIIIIIII think you can be both?
\nALL JOURNALISTS ARE GENDERLESS DRONES
\nHow far are we into this movie and Lois has already been saved by a Heroic Man
\nLike…seven and a half minutes?<\/p>\n

Sarah<\/strong>: “Saved”<\/p>\n

Lauren<\/strong>: TOO LITTLE TOO LATE SUPES<\/p>\n

Sarah<\/strong>: And less than a minute later she’s being saved by Superman
\nLois is nothing but a damsel in distress and I am not on board with that<\/p>\n

Lauren<\/strong>: Superman is allergic to smiling, smiling is for sissies, sissies who don’t level cities<\/p>\n

\"ezgif.com-crop<\/p>\n

Sarah<\/strong>: Oh hey ElastiGirl, how’re you doing
\nDon’t you wish you could go out there and take care of things for these incompetent heroes<\/p>\n

\"EG\"<\/p>\n

Lauren<\/strong>: \u00a0“The world was so caught up in what they COULD do they forgot to ask what they SHOULD do” I think I have heard this before
\nSomewhere
\nCan’t put my finger on it
\nRhymes maybe with Schmurassic Schmark<\/p>\n

\"giphy<\/p>\n

Sarah<\/strong>: Lois likes to keep the bullets in her notebooks as a souvenir
\nOf the time she almost got shot but was saved by a man.
\nI mean men.<\/p>\n

Lauren<\/strong>: “Dear diary, Today I almost got shot in the face but A Man saved me instead, BEST DAY EVER”
\nClark literally just referred to Lois (to her face) as “the woman I love” instead of…yanno…Lois<\/p>\n

Sarah<\/strong>: We almost just saw Amy Adams boobs. I feel like the internet needs to know that almost happened.<\/p>\n

Lauren<\/strong>: Okay but fire and ice roses: good boyfriend gesture
\nDid. Did Clark just climb into the bathtub fully clothed. With his shoes on.
\nDid this just happen.
\nI’ve had some wine but not THAT much wine.
\nClark those loafers are probably not waterproof.
\nClark your leather jacket probably shouldn’t go in the tub, I don’t think you can fix it with your heat vision.
\nClark I have so many questions.<\/p>\n

\"ezgif.com-crop<\/p>\n

Sarah<\/strong>:\u00a0So much dirt in that bathtub. Ew.
\nOh but he took his jacket off
\nBecause of course it would be silly to get in the tub with your jacket still on<\/p>\n

Lauren<\/strong>: His glasses fell off, now she’ll KNOW
\n(wait does she know)
\n(I can’t remember)<\/p>\n

Sarah<\/strong>: She knows.<\/p>\n

Lauren<\/strong>: (okay Sarah says she knows FALSE ALARM)
\n(I’ve blocked out so much of Man of Steel, guys)<\/p>\n

Sarah<\/strong>: (That’s a really valid life choice)
\nSince wheeeeeeen can Batman climb on walls<\/p>\n

Lauren<\/strong>: Uhhhhhh did Bats tie a dude to his radiator for funsies
\nWhere are his clothes
\nWhat…is happening<\/p>\n

Sarah<\/strong>: If he had clothes on you wouldn’t be able to see the Bat-Brand. Obviously.<\/p>\n

Lauren<\/strong>: “I will strip you so I can Bat-Brand you” STILL MAKES MORE SENSE THAN MAN OF STEEL<\/p>\n

Sarah<\/strong>: Batfleck is still wearing The Outfit. He can do no wrong in my eyes now.<\/p>\n

Lauren<\/strong>: crosses fingers<\/em>\u00a0I just need Jeremy Irons!Alfred to tell Bruce to BE PREPARED. Just once.<\/p>\n

Sarah<\/strong>: Oh Jeremy Irons, I am FULLY PREPARED for you to be my very favorite thing about this movie
\nBecause I love you and you can’t let me down.<\/p>\n

Lauren<\/strong>: Wait “gods hurl thunderbolts” is this a Thor crossover because I don’t think you’re allowed to do that<\/p>\n

Sarah<\/strong>: Superman can’t lift Mj\u00f6lnir
\nI don’t think?<\/p>\n

Lauren<\/strong>: THOSE EGGS ARE FAKE
\nI’D LIKE TO STATE FOR THE RECORD
\nMOST FAKE EGGS EVER
\nThey’re trying to distract us with Henry Cavill’s shirtlessness but I SAW, BATMAN V SUPERMAN. I. SAW.
\nHey it’s Jesse Eisenberry wait that’s not his name
\nEisenberg
\n#nailedit<\/p>\n

Sarah<\/strong>: There is a lot of Science happening on the screen right now and I’ve maybe had too much wine for that.
\n(I don’t Science)
\n(Where are my marvel Science Bros, I miss them)<\/p>\n

Lauren<\/strong>: Eh, Lex Luthor is Lex Luthoring
\nWith… a senator
\nFor… reasons<\/p>\n

Sarah<\/strong>: \u2026that sounds dirty<\/p>\n

Lauren<\/strong>: Lex Luthor is wearing a monkey t-shirt and a white blazer and why were these wardrobe choices made
\nAlso why did they decide to keep his hair from American Ultra<\/p>\n

\"ezgif.com-crop \"giphy<\/p>\n

Sarah<\/strong>: Is it too early to reject this Lex Luthor and hope for Michael Rosenbaum instead?<\/p>\n

Lauren<\/strong>: MICHAEL ROSENBAUM IS THE LUTHOR OF MY HEART<\/p>\n

\"giphy
\n(I do love Jesse Eisenberg though)<\/p>\n

Sarah<\/strong>: I also love Jesse Eisenberg, I’m just not sure he was right for this role
\nI liked him better as a Stoner Sleeper Agent<\/p>\n

Lauren<\/strong>: I would watch one hundred sequels to American Ultra
\nGet on it, Hollywood<\/p>\n

Sarah<\/strong>: I loved that movie more than I thought I would. And I thought I’d love it a lot.<\/p>\n

Lauren<\/strong>: Okay “False God” is by FAR not the worst thing that dude could have graffitied about Superman<\/p>\n

Sarah<\/strong>: It’s also not entirely incorrect?<\/p>\n

Lauren<\/strong>: I mean he could’ve gone with “MASS MURDERER”<\/p>\n

Sarah<\/strong>: Also not entirely incorrect<\/p>\n

Lauren<\/strong>: “OVERPOWERED MANCHILD PSYCHO”<\/p>\n

Sarah<\/strong>: That is The Most Correct<\/p>\n

Lauren<\/strong>: All the money at Lex Luthor’s disposal, you’d think he could’ve hired a fashion consultant. Or at least a tailor.
\nNothing he is wearing fits or matches. He is like a 10-yo shopping at goodwill.<\/p>\n

Sarah<\/strong>: Diiiiiiid they just slice off a dead bodies fingerprint with a laser?
\nYes, yes I think that they did<\/p>\n

Lauren<\/strong>: Why. Is he shoving. A Jolly rancher. In a man’s mouth.<\/p>\n

Sarah<\/strong>: Apparently in his spare time Bruce Wayne likes to hang out at underground and possible illegal boxing matches
\nFor Reasons<\/p>\n

Lauren<\/strong>: Oh definitely illegal
\nYou can tell because of the shady dude with the neck tattoo<\/p>\n

Sarah<\/strong>: Neck tattoos are a definite indication of shadiness<\/p>\n

Lauren<\/strong>: Heeeeey Bruce speaks…Russian? Is it Russian?<\/p>\n

Sarah<\/strong>: Maybe he is a member of the Bratva with Oliver Queen<\/p>\n

Lauren<\/strong>: Are we making the Russians villains again because…why not?
\nI’d like to have a talk with Clark about his corduroy jacket and how it is not 1997<\/p>\n

Sarah<\/strong>: “The American Conscience\u00a0died with Robert, Martin and John”
\nPossibly the best quote of the entire movie
\nI’m calling it now<\/p>\n

Lauren<\/strong>: I really enjoy that Perry White calls Clark “Smallville”<\/p>\n

Sarah<\/strong>: I bet the costuming department had fun with Lex Luthor
\n“DOES THIS MATCH?” WHO CARES!”
\n“THE TACKIER THE BETTER”
\n“Bonus points if it has monkeys”<\/p>\n

Lauren<\/strong>: Whyyyyyy are we equating Superman to the British<\/p>\n

Sarah<\/strong>: Because Hamilton. So hot right now.<\/p>\n

Lauren<\/strong>:<\/p>\n

\"ezgif.com-add-text<\/p>\n

Bruce Wayne’s parents are in a mausoleum because this is secretly an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer
\nWait the mausoleum is BLEEDING
\nIT REALLY IS AN EPISODE OF BUFFY
\nOh wait no he’s dreaming again<\/p>\n

Sarah<\/strong>: Why would you touch the Black ooze that is seeping out of your parents crypt?
\nEVEN IN A DREAM IT DOESN’T MAKE SENSE<\/p>\n

Lauren<\/strong>: THIS GUY IS A DOLL
\n\/Dollhouse spoilers<\/p>\n

Sarah<\/strong>: The guy is not a doll, he’s the handler. Maybe Lois is the doll.<\/p>\n

Lauren<\/strong>: Season 2, baby<\/p>\n

Sarah<\/strong>: I THINK I BLOCKED THAT
\nOh my god, I did block that<\/p>\n

Lauren<\/strong>: It’s okay, I’m here to remind you of all the random Dollhouse trivia you forgot
\nDoes the “Haha joke’s on you Batman” mean he’s already encountered Jared Leto in this timeline
\n(P.S. I don’t even care how odd this movie is, I am pumped for Suicide Squad)<\/p>\n

Sarah<\/strong>: I think it must?
\nIf we’re at a library and we’re not getting Barbara Gordon, Librarian then I feel like I am getting robbed.<\/p>\n

Lauren<\/strong>: FIRST WONDER WOMAN SIGHTING<\/p>\n

Sarah<\/strong>: HELLO NURSE<\/p>\n

Lauren<\/strong>: Since when is Alfred the kind of butler to wear a pinky ring<\/p>\n

Sarah<\/strong>: Is it the Wayne signet?
\nPlease tell me it’s the Wayne signet<\/p>\n

Lauren<\/strong>: Iiiiiiiisn’t Bruce supposed to be suaver than this<\/p>\n

Sarah<\/strong>: Bruce Wayne, awkwardly complimenting women’s shoes.<\/p>\n

Lauren<\/strong>: “I like those shoes” awkward laugh<\/em><\/p>\n

Sarah<\/strong>: Lex Luthor reeeealllly loves polka dots<\/p>\n

Lauren<\/strong>: Why is Jesse Eisenberg playing Lex like he has tourettes<\/p>\n

Sarah<\/strong>: Clark, you don’t really have any ground to stand on to criticize Batman.
\nAt all.<\/p>\n

Lauren<\/strong>: Bruce do you really have room to talk about “freaks dressed like clowns\u201d<\/p>\n

Sarah<\/strong>: Well, there’s the proof that he’s already met the Joker in this timeline.
\nI feel like the world is failing me that there aren’t more billionaires becoming superheroes in real life<\/p>\n

Lauren<\/strong>: No one wants Donald Trump in tights<\/p>\n

Sarah<\/strong>: (Internet, I just almost spit wine all over my computer at that comment)
\nClark is apparently the savior to Insane Clown Posse Fans
\nAll 3 of them that still exist<\/p>\n

Lauren<\/strong>: 100000% over the Supes-As-Jesus imagery
\nNeil Degrasse Tyson how did they blackmail you into being in this movie<\/p>\n

Sarah<\/strong>: Clark, your arms may be muscley but they are not Captain America’s level<\/p>\n

\"helicopter\"<\/p>\n

Lauren<\/strong>: ARE ANYONE’S THOUGH<\/p>\n

Sarah<\/strong>: Maybe Thor’s?
\n(Oh wait, our Marvel love is showing again)<\/p>\n

Lauren<\/strong>: Since when would Senator Holly Hunter be on Inside the Actor’s Studio<\/p>\n

Sarah<\/strong>: Because she is Senator ElastiGirl
\n(Holly Hunter will forever be ElastiGirl in my eyes)<\/p>\n

Lauren<\/strong>: Lex Luthor has… a sinister… hoveround?<\/p>\n

Sarah<\/strong>: Lex Luthor has a sinister everything
\ncue that’s what she said joke<\/em><\/p>\n

Lauren<\/strong>: Laurence Fishburne you’re better than this, let’s just all go watch The Matrix again<\/p>\n

Sarah<\/strong>: Wonder Woman you can make anything look awesome, even this weird one sleeved sparkly dress
\nThat would look ridiculous on literally any other human ever<\/p>\n

\"giphy<\/p>\n

Lauren<\/strong>: What is happening with Gal Gadot’s dress
\nIt looks kiiiiiind of ridiculous on her but I’m willing to overlook it<\/p>\n

Sarah<\/strong>: It would look terrible on literally anyone else ever
\nGal Gadot, I love you already.<\/p>\n

Lauren<\/strong>: Uhhhhhh “to see you in that dress, 9\/10 men wouldn’t let you get away with anything” is this supposed to be endearing cuuuuuuuz
\nBatfleck I’m on your team but don’t be creepy<\/p>\n

Sarah<\/strong>: But he’s the 10th man Lauren. Which means he’s not creepy.
\nOr so we are supposed to believe<\/p>\n

Lauren<\/strong>: Huh. Bat cowl + trenchcoat is an… interesting look<\/p>\n

\"ezgif.com-gif-maker\"<\/p>\n

Sarah<\/strong>: I’m not really feeling Batfleck in the desert. He should stick to cooler climates.<\/p>\n

Lauren<\/strong>: I’m not really feeling Batfleck in a random coat OVER HIS BAT COSTUME
\nWere the costume designers for this movie very drunk<\/p>\n

Sarah<\/strong>: I don’t know, are we drunk?<\/p>\n

Lauren<\/strong>: Not drunk enough to put a trenchcoat on Batman
\nOr Lex Luthor in CONSTANT POLKA DOTS<\/p>\n

Sarah<\/strong>: Batman has a “Nooooooo” that is very reminiscent of Luke Skywalker’s.
\nAnd that’s not a good thing.<\/p>\n

Lauren<\/strong>: And he didn’t even lose a hand<\/p>\n

Sarah<\/strong>: How else is batman supposed to go incognito if he doesn’t wear a trench coat?
\nI like how they string Batfleck up in chains, but keep his trenchcoat on
\nFor style<\/p>\n

Lauren<\/strong>: Why does Superman constantly look like he smelled a wet fart<\/p>\n

\"ezgif.com-crop<\/p>\n

Sarah<\/strong>: This convoluted plot is super confusing to us<\/p>\n

Lauren<\/strong>: Why is Superman so mad about Lois, Bruce didn’t do anything to Lois<\/p>\n

Sarah<\/strong>: When did Batman take Superman’s world?
\nI don’t remember seeing that.
\nAlso, is this the Flash from the future?<\/p>\n

Lauren<\/strong>: Is that The Flash costume because if it is I don’t like it<\/p>\n

Sarah<\/strong>: What is even happening here?
\nWhy does the The Flash have a porno stache?<\/p>\n

Lauren<\/strong>: Also how do I convince Future Barry to not grow that mustache
\nI don’t understand anything that just happened
\nI feel like I’ve been paying at least medium attention<\/p>\n

Sarah<\/strong>: Soooooooo we time jumped back and forth? is that what just happened here?
\nI DON’T KNOW ANYTHING<\/p>\n

Lauren<\/strong>: Who names their boat “White Portuguese”
\nWhy is that even a Boat Name Option<\/p>\n

Sarah<\/strong>: Whhhhhhhy Does Batfleck say his name like “Lex Luthoooor”? Why the wrong emphasis on the wrong syllable?<\/p>\n

Lauren<\/strong>: “Alfred, count the dead. Thousands of people. What’s next? Millions?” I am no Math Expert but I think there are some numbers between thousands and millions<\/p>\n

Sarah<\/strong>: That is generally how math works.
\nProbably even thousands of numbers<\/p>\n

Lauren<\/strong>: I THINK YOU MAY BE RIGHT<\/p>\n

Sarah<\/strong>: Oh we have reached the CAR CHASE portion of the movie
\nThis is where Batfleck gets to show off the Batfleckmobile<\/p>\n

Lauren<\/strong>: I’m gonna go out on a limb and say that despite the wines we have consumed, this movie makes no sense
\nI do like the Batfleckmobile though
\nI like how it is immune to machine guns and fire and hitting other cars<\/p>\n

Sarah<\/strong>: It just drove THROUGH ANOTHER CAR and made it explode.<\/p>\n

\"ezgif.com-crop<\/p>\n

Lauren<\/strong>: Because why not
\nhashtag Zack Snyder<\/p>\n

Sarah<\/strong>: The Batfleck mobile just destroyed multiple boats and a rocket launcher
\nIn one fell swoop<\/p>\n

Lauren<\/strong>: So to recap Batfleckmobile just drove through some boats and also there is a rocket launcher THIS IS ALL TOTALLY REASONABLE<\/p>\n

Sarah<\/strong>: Armor
\nIt’s all in the armor baby<\/p>\n

Lauren<\/strong>: Oh hey Supes are you here to ruin things
\n(probably)
\n(Zack Snyder Supes Ruins Everything)<\/p>\n

Sarah<\/strong>: Wait, is that not his role in this movie?<\/p>\n

Lauren<\/strong>: LIKE HE SMELLED A WET FART<\/p>\n

\"ezgif.com-crop<\/p>\n

It’s like he went to the Robert Pattinson school of acting<\/p>\n

Sarah<\/strong>: Superman, What makes you think you get to run all the things
\nYou have literally proven to be TERRIBLE AT THAT<\/p>\n

Lauren<\/strong>: I love how ridiculous the Batcave is in every iteration of Batman
\nTHEY DEFINITELY JUST PLAYED THE BATMAN: THE ANIMATED SERIES THEME<\/a>
\nIT JUST HAPPENED
\nTHERE IS NO WAY I AM WRONG ABOUT THIS<\/p>\n

Sarah<\/strong>: IT WAS
\n(we checked)<\/p>\n

Lauren<\/strong>:Every time Amy Adams appears in this movie I am surprised she is still here
\nLike that is how relevant Lois is to this plot
\nRemember at the end of Superman II when Superman returns the flag to the White House and all of America loves him because THIS MOVIE SURE DOESN\u2019T<\/p>\n

Sarah<\/strong>: That Superman was a good Superman
\nHow dare you compare him to this Superman<\/p>\n

Lauren<\/strong>: Scale of 1-10 Supes how silly do you feel walking into a Senate hearing wearing that<\/p>\n

\"giphy<\/p>\n

Sarah<\/strong>: Are those thigh muscles real or just a sculpted suit?<\/p>\n

Lauren<\/strong>: This is what technology has given us
\nSuper Thighs<\/p>\n

Sarah<\/strong>: I like that technology
\nHolly Hunter has lost her words<\/p>\n

Lauren<\/strong>: IS THAT A JAR OF PEE<\/p>\n

\"giphy<\/p>\n

why are there so many horses in this movie
\nAlso WHY IS THERE A JAR OF PEE
\nWHY IS THAT A THING THAT IS IN THIS MOVIE<\/p>\n

Sarah<\/strong>: Oh, and we just blew up the capitol
\nThere is NO WAY that the bystanders RIGHT OUTSIDE THE CAPITOL would not have blown up too
\nNO WAY
\nThat was a huge explosion<\/p>\n

Lauren<\/strong>: Guys how does anyone watch this movie and not land firmly on Team Batfleck<\/p>\n

Sarah<\/strong>: I do not know the answer to that<\/p>\n

Lauren<\/strong>: “I’m afraid I didn’t see it because I wasn’t looking” Clark is this supposed to be profound or
\nLike I don’t see things I’m not looking at all the time<\/p>\n

Sarah<\/strong>: Same
\nBecause I do not have eyes in the back of my head<\/p>\n

Lauren<\/strong>: I’d like to state for the record that the entire cast of this movie is better than this movie<\/p>\n

Sarah<\/strong>: Did Zack Snyder brainwash them?<\/p>\n

Lauren<\/strong>: EW GROSS I do not like wearing Zod’s lasered fingeprints like a glove, THAT IS NOT OKAY<\/p>\n

Sarah<\/strong>:\u00a0KNEEL BEFORE ZOD<\/p>\n

\"SB\"<\/p>\n

(Which is lost to this audience because Lauren has never seen Mallrats<\/em>)<\/p>\n

Lauren<\/strong>: Iiiiiiiiiis Lex Luthor going into Thor’s Magical Vision Pool, is that what’s happening here<\/p>\n

Sarah<\/strong>: Batfleck is doing crossfit in his BatCave<\/p>\n

Lauren<\/strong>: I don’t even care about the rest of this movie, I’m just so glad that we are finally introducing kryptonite into a Superman movie because THAT IS KIND OF IMPORTANT<\/p>\n

Sarah<\/strong>: THIS IS IMPORTANT
\nBATFLECK HAS\u00a0METAHUMAN FILES<\/p>\n

Lauren<\/strong>: Wait is this ONE SCENE the entire set-up for Justice League
\nIS THIS ALL WE GET<\/p>\n

Sarah<\/strong>: Yes, yes I\u00a0believe that it is<\/p>\n

Lauren<\/strong>: AND FROM THIS ONE RANDOM AND SPOTTY SCENE THEY ARE SPAWNING AN ENTIRE FRANCHISE
\nCHRIS PINE<\/p>\n

Sarah<\/strong>:\u00a0Heeellloooo Steve Trevor<\/p>\n

Lauren<\/strong>: Ew why do we continue to mess with the corpse of Zod
\nOld Superman was not this creepy<\/p>\n

Sarah<\/strong>: (And now we are both singing Hamilton)
\n(Because that’s what happens when someone says “flew too close to the sun” in a movie)<\/p>\n

Lauren<\/strong>: Wait Lex Luthor is in a pool of weird fluid fully clothed because WEARING PANTS IN WATER IS APPARENTLY A THING IN THIS MOVIE
\nAlthough, to be fair, it would be really odd if Luthor was not wearing pants in that scene<\/p>\n

Sarah<\/strong>: Is “SUPERDEATH” the best insult that sign maker could come up with?
\nBecause, I feel like that’s an utter fail
\nOh heeeeeeey Pa Kent, aren’t you dead?<\/p>\n

Lauren<\/strong>: Go away Kevin Costner<\/p>\n

Sarah<\/strong>: Go be dead
\nLike Uncle Ben
\nUncle Ben stayed dead
\nish<\/p>\n

Lauren<\/strong>: Is Pa Kent going to give us another inspiring speech to go with “Don’t save people, just look out for yourself”
\nPerhaps something like “Punch puppies, drown kittens”
\nWhy does Superman have to wear a knit hat in the cold
\nHe doesn’t get cold
\nIs it FOR FASHION<\/p>\n

Sarah<\/strong>: Jeremy Irons, I do love you
\nEven when you kill James Earl Jones and take over the pride lands.<\/p>\n

Lauren<\/strong>: BE PREPAAAAAAARED<\/a>
\n(just once, I\u00a0just want you to say it once)<\/p>\n

Sarah<\/strong>: I have literally been singing that in my head this whole time
\nHe should be required to say it in every movie.<\/p>\n

Lauren<\/strong>: WHY ARE BATFLECK’S EYES GLOWING<\/p>\n

\"ezgif.com-crop<\/p>\n

WHY ARE YOU WEARING DOC MARTENS
\nWHY SO MANY THINGS<\/p>\n

Sarah<\/strong>: What is this KRYTONITE SPEAR Batfleck is wielding?
\nWHAT IS HAPPENING<\/p>\n

Lauren<\/strong>: Why do none of Lex Luthor’s clothes still fit<\/p>\n

Sarah<\/strong>: THAT JANITOR IS NOT A JANITOR LOIS
\nWATCH OUT<\/p>\n

Lauren<\/strong>:\u00a0It’s neck tattoo IT’S NECK TATTOO
\nNECK TATTOO MEANS SHADY
\n(and also Russian)<\/p>\n

Sarah<\/strong>: This is why I left swiped on anyone with a neck tattoo when I was on the Tinder<\/p>\n

Lauren<\/strong>:\u00a0Good call
\nPSA: MEN OF THE WORLD: Do not put your neck tattoo on your Tinder profile<\/p>\n

Sarah<\/strong>: I would left swipe on Lex Luthor
\nAnd his ill-fitting clothes<\/p>\n

Lauren<\/strong>: Because the hair right
\nThe hair is a problem<\/p>\n

Sarah<\/strong>: I liked the hair better in American Ultra
\nI liked all of Jesse Eisenberg better in American Ultra
\nThis is what? The third? Fourth? fifth time Lois has been Saved by A Man in this ONE MOVIE<\/p>\n

Lauren<\/strong>: I like how when Supes rescues his Lady Love he pauses to Stare Meaningfully Into Her Eyes before he saves her<\/p>\n

\"giphy<\/p>\n

Sarah<\/strong>: I like how Lex Luthor carries an egg timer with him
\nRather than, you know, using some sort of technology<\/p>\n

Lauren<\/strong>: I like how I can just imagine that this is an extended trick in Now You See Me<\/p>\n

Sarah<\/strong>: In his pajamas with a trench coat outfit he’s rocking?
\nI’m just imagining that he is on a secret mission for the CIA\/FBI and this is a continuation from American Ultra
\nAny moment now Kristen Stewart will show up
\nRight?<\/p>\n

Lauren<\/strong>: (Superman still smells a fart)
\n(in case you were wondering)<\/p>\n

\"ezgif.com-crop<\/p>\n

(he has had literally zero other facial expressions thus far in this movie)<\/p>\n

Sarah<\/strong>: Lex masterminding this feels so false, because I do not buy that this Lex is a criminal mastermind
\nHe’s a crazy hipster with bad hair that sorta fell into owning his own corporation
\nAnd he shouldn’t know what to do at all<\/p>\n

Lauren<\/strong>: I buy that he THINKS he is a criminal mastermind?
\nAnd also that he needs some therapy?<\/p>\n

Sarah<\/strong>: ALL of the therapy<\/p>\n

Lauren<\/strong>: Hahahaha RANDOM BRADY BUNCH JOKE because that’s not weird at all
\nCaaaaareful Lex, or Supes will have a temper tantrum and level a city because THAT’S WHAT HE DOES
\nZack Snyder what is your deal with religious imagery\/vocabulary because I think you maybe have some issues to work through<\/p>\n

Sarah<\/strong>: Some<\/em> issues?
\nWe saw the Honest Trailer. We know how this goes.<\/p>\n

Lauren<\/strong>: It’s all about the mommy issues.
\nThis I know for sure.
\nLois why do you like him
\nI mean I know what he looks like but really<\/p>\n

Sarah<\/strong>: Dem Thighs?<\/p>\n

Lauren<\/strong>: CHRIS PINE AGAIN<\/p>\n

\"ezgif.com-crop<\/p>\n

Sarah<\/strong>: Heeeellooooooo Chris Pine
\nI’m so glad you joined this party
\nBy photograph<\/p>\n

Lauren<\/strong>:\u00a0Wait this is not how email works
\nWhy are they using their email like a chat
\nIs this score Hans Zimmer
\nBecause it sounds like Pirates of the Caribbean<\/p>\n

Sarah<\/strong>: It IS Hans Zimmer
\nThe soundtrack is the best part of this movie<\/p>\n

Lauren<\/strong>: MOMOA<\/p>\n

\"ezgif.com-crop<\/p>\n

HEY
\nHEY MOMOA
\nMO
\nMO
\nAAAAAAAAA
\nWas that all the Aquaman I get because it was not enough<\/p>\n

Sarah<\/strong>: Momoa is the reason I am HERE for Justice League<\/p>\n

Lauren<\/strong>: (we keep rewinding because I’m not paying close enough attention)
\n(I got distracted by MOMOA)<\/p>\n

Sarah<\/strong>: (I’m not either)<\/p>\n

Lauren<\/strong>: Look there’s Barry<\/p>\n

Sarah<\/strong>: Barry what is that hair
\nStop that<\/p>\n

Lauren<\/strong>: Grant Gustin will always be the Barry Allen of my heart but Ezra Miller you’re okay too<\/p>\n

Sarah<\/strong>: Why can Aquaman control Whales?<\/p>\n

Lauren<\/strong>: Hey Mark Watney
\n“WHALES ARE MAMMALS\u201d<\/p>\n

\"giphy<\/p>\n

Sarah<\/strong>: Why does Batman have glowy eyes?
\nWHY<\/p>\n

Lauren<\/strong>: It would seem he is wearing the Christian Bale Invisible Voice Modulator<\/p>\n

Sarah<\/strong>: Or is it the Oliver Queen version?<\/p>\n

Lauren<\/strong>: Both
\nRANDOM EXPLOSIONS<\/em><\/p>\n

Sarah<\/strong>: Honestly there can never be too many explosions in an action movie for me<\/p>\n

Lauren<\/strong>: I don’t care how Bat-tastic you are, you should be dead now, Bruce<\/p>\n

Sarah<\/strong>: It is his Ultimate Bat Armor that is saving him now<\/p>\n

Lauren<\/strong>: “If I wanted it, you’d be dead already” says the guy who just dropped the human from the equivalent of a four-story building
\nAre the glowy eyes MAGIC
\nOOOOOOH SNAP
\nSUDDENLY BATS V SUPES IS A FAIR FIGHT
\n(because Kryptonite gas or somesuch)<\/p>\n

Sarah<\/strong>: Is it a fair fight though?
\nReally?
\nI feel like the Bat Armor has the advantage here<\/p>\n

Lauren<\/strong>: (it is finally the fart Supes has been smelling for the whole movie, COME TO COLLECT ITS DUE)<\/p>\n

\"giphy<\/p>\n

Sarah<\/strong>: HOW DO WE STILL HAVE FORTY FIVE MINUTES LEFT IN THIS MOVIE<\/p>\n

Lauren<\/strong>: I…think they still have to work together to defeat Lex Luthor?
\nOr something?<\/p>\n

Sarah<\/strong>: Ohhhhh with Wonder Woman
\nBecause we have yet to see her in her costume
\nFor her five minutes of glory<\/p>\n

Lauren<\/strong>: Yeah you know I don’t actually even care that Bats used kryptonite gas, it still just feels like playing dirty when Superman throws him around like a rag doll
\nKITCHEN SINK<\/p>\n

Sarah<\/strong>: Is he\u2026throwing a sink at him?<\/p>\n

Lauren<\/strong>: HE IS HITTING HIM
\nWITH A LITERAL
\nKITCHEN SINK<\/p>\n

\"giphy<\/p>\n

Sarah<\/strong>: He IS
\nWooooooooow<\/p>\n

Lauren<\/strong>: ZACK SNYDER: MASTER OF SUBTLETY
\nAnd that’s…it? Bats throws Supes off a balcony, The End?
\n(Yes I shall insist on calling them Bats and Supes for this entire movie and YOU CAN’T STOP ME)<\/p>\n

Sarah<\/strong>: A very high balcony
\nOh wait, nope
\nNow he’s swinging him around like a toy<\/p>\n

Lauren<\/strong>:\u00a0It really irritates me that Bats uses an Invisible Voice Modulator
\nLike I can see your mouth, there is nothing on it, what is happening<\/p>\n

Sarah<\/strong>: Future Tech
\nThe future is invisible<\/p>\n

Lauren<\/strong>: This helicopter is called the “Chopper Hopper”
\nI don’t know why
\nAlso Lois is here now, and I also don’t know why<\/p>\n

Sarah<\/strong>: Because Reasons<\/p>\n

Lauren<\/strong>: WAIT HERE IT IS<\/p>\n

Sarah<\/strong>: THE SHARED MARTHAS
\nTHAT CONNECTS THEM<\/p>\n

Lauren<\/strong>: YOUR MOMS HAVE THE SAME NAME
\nNOW YOU CAN BE FRIENDS<\/p>\n

Sarah<\/strong>: UNBREAKABLE BONDS<\/p>\n

Lauren<\/strong>: SAVE MARTHA
\nYOU ARE UNITED IN YOUR PURPOSE
\nBFFS FOREVERRRRRRRRRRRRR
\nNO TWO WOMEN HAVE EVER BEEN NAMED MARTHA BEFORRRRRRRRRE
\n“WHY DID YOU SAY THAT NAME”<\/p>\n

\"ezgif.com-crop<\/p>\n

Sarah<\/strong>: Oh Look IT’S LOIS’ TURN TO SAVE A DUDE
\nABOUT DAMN TIME<\/p>\n

Lauren<\/strong>: Because until Lois pointed it out Bruce thought Martha Wayne was LITERALLY THE ONLY MARTHA IN THE ENTIRE WORLD
\nI…had thought the Honest Trailer was exaggerating but nope, it really was that ridiculous<\/p>\n

Sarah<\/strong>: Well damn<\/p>\n

Lauren<\/strong>: I kind of wish Clark had freaked out when Batman cut him like he does in every iteration of the character when he gets injured
\nLike “is this blood WHAAAAAAAAT”
\n“I DON’T BLEEEEEEEEED\u201d<\/p>\n

Sarah<\/strong>: WHAT IS THIS MORTAL WEAKNESS<\/p>\n

Lauren<\/strong>: But he was all stoic and boring because Zack Snyder<\/p>\n

Sarah<\/strong>: Batman has all the toys because he’s a billionaire<\/p>\n

Lauren<\/strong>: I would like to state for the record that I think Batfleck is doing a really good job in this ridiculous movie<\/p>\n

Sarah<\/strong>: He is my second favorite part of this ridiculous movie
\nJeremy Irons is first
\nBecause you can never be too prepared<\/p>\n

Lauren<\/strong>: Ohhhhh okay so THIS is the part with all the murder that people were upset about<\/p>\n

\"abvmxbfj3nr237gn5cb4\"<\/p>\n

(guys Batman has always been kind of murdery)
\n(I hate to be the bearer of bad news but it is true)<\/p>\n

Sarah<\/strong>: It IS a lot of murder
\nHe doesn’t usually straight up kill people, he tends to just knock them out
\nOr so we are lead to believe
\nWe could have been mislead<\/p>\n

Lauren<\/strong>: (I mean maybe not this much, but Batman has killed people since…a while ago)
\nCurse you Jesse Eisenberg for making me think “Martha Martha Martha” in the Marcia Brady voice every time she is on screen
\nMORE EGG TIMERS<\/p>\n

Sarah<\/strong>: WHY SO MANY<\/p>\n

Lauren<\/strong>: The egg timer gets billing in this movie right under Jesse Eisenberg
\nHenry Cavill, Batfleck, Jesse Eisenberg, Egg Timer, Amy Adams, Gal Gadot
\n(I’m just assuming Zack Snyder puts the ladies after the egg timer?)<\/p>\n

Sarah<\/strong>: That seems like a reasonable assumption for Snyder
\nThat is not what the White Rabbit says
\nAlso Lex is confusing his white rabbits
\nThe one from Alice in Wonderland is NOT the same as the Trix Rabbit
\nOh\u00a0hello Anderson Cooper
\nI adore you<\/p>\n

Lauren<\/strong>: Anderson Cooper who bribed you to be in this movie
\nThis is the third polka dot shirt Lex has worn
\nWait
\nWe are introducing Doomsday NOW?!?!
\nTHERE ARE ONLY THIRTY MINUTES LEFT<\/p>\n

Sarah<\/strong>: Did Luthor make an ORC?
\nBecause it looks like he made an Orc
\nWhere is Mordor? Where are Sam and Frodo?<\/p>\n

\"giphy<\/p>\n

Lauren<\/strong>: WHY ARE WE BRINGING IN SUCH A MAJOR VILLAIN NOW<\/p>\n

Sarah<\/strong>: This is a bullshit time to introduce Doomsday
\nHe deserves a full movie at the very least<\/p>\n

Lauren<\/strong>: DOOMSDAY IS NOT A “FINAL THIRTY MINUTES” VILLAIN
\nAlso why is Doomsday a naked orc
\nWhy…so many of the decisions happening right now
\nOh. OH. We’re gonna get Wonder Woman.
\nFINALLY<\/p>\n

Sarah<\/strong>: IT’S ABOUT DAMN TIME<\/p>\n

Lauren<\/strong>: Wait are they seriously going to shoehorn the Death of Superman into the last few minutes of this movie
\nIs this a thing that’s about to happen<\/p>\n

Sarah<\/strong>: I\u2026\u2026 I don’t think so
\nBut maybe?<\/p>\n

Lauren<\/strong>: “One casualty. Superman”
\n+ Doomsday
\n= Death of Superman
\nI’m calling it
\nIt’s about to happen
\nAnd it’s gonna be STUPID<\/p>\n

Sarah<\/strong>: I feel like that can’t happen with JLA upcoming
\nBUT OKAY MAYBE IT IS<\/p>\n

Lauren<\/strong>: MARK MY WORDS
\n(still not okay with Doomsday being an orc?)<\/p>\n

Sarah<\/strong>: Okay but that part still feels true<\/p>\n

Lauren<\/strong>: DEATH OF SUPERMAN
\nTOTALLY JUST HAPPENED<\/p>\n

\"giphy<\/p>\n

Sarah<\/strong>: Uhhhhhhh okay so the Death of Superman JUST HAPPENED
\nTHS IS NOT A DRILL<\/p>\n

Lauren<\/strong>: I CANNOT BELIEVE WE JUST CRAMMED THAT INTO THE END OF THIS MOVIE<\/p>\n

Sarah<\/strong>: IS IT REALLY THAT UNBELIEVABLE?
\nI MEAN SERIOUSLY \u2028THIS IS ZACK SNYDER<\/p>\n

Lauren<\/strong>: ZACK SNYDER WHAT ON EARTH
\nTHAT IS AN ENTIRE MOVIE<\/em><\/p>\n

Sarah<\/strong>: Unacceptable use of the word penetrate<\/p>\n

\"pp\"<\/p>\n

Lauren<\/strong>: Okay so how are we bringing Superman back to life in the last ten minutes of this movie because you know we are<\/p>\n

Sarah<\/strong>: Maybe he’s not dead-dead, just frozen?
\nLike Cap
\nWHOMP THERE IT IS<\/p>\n

Lauren<\/strong>: Oh. Oh so he’s just going to….resurrect
\nJust…for reasons
\nHE WAS MUMMIFIED<\/p>\n

Sarah<\/strong>: HELLO WONDER WOMAN
\nLIGHT OF MY LIFE<\/p>\n

\"giphy<\/p>\n

Lauren<\/strong>: But now he’s fine, it’s fine, EVERYTHING IS FINE
\nI knew they said we didn’t get much Wonder Woman in this movie but I had honestly assumed it would be more than just the LAST TEN MINUTES<\/p>\n

Sarah<\/strong>: Batfeck sent Lois to get the weapon?
\nREALLY?
\nThis won\u2019t end well.<\/p>\n

Lauren<\/strong>: Diana, you deserved better than this
\nI’m sorry on behalf of humanity<\/p>\n

Sarah<\/strong>: She will get better than this in HER OWN MOVIE NEXT YEAR
\nWhich is more than we deserve honestly<\/p>\n

Lauren<\/strong>: (why is she FRONT AND CENTER on the DVD of BvS when she’s only Wonder Woman in the last ten minutes)
\n(This score is honestly so great I’m kind of mad at it)<\/p>\n

Sarah<\/strong>: WONDER WOMAN IS MY FAVORITE PART OF THIS WHOLE MOVIE
\nNO QUESTION
\nI TAKE BACK ALL PREVIOUS STATEMENTS<\/p>\n

Lauren<\/strong>: IN THE LAST TEN MINUTES
\nWHY HAVE WE PACKED EVERY WORTHWHILE THING INTO THE END<\/p>\n

Sarah<\/strong>: SHE BROKE A CAR IN HALF WITH HER SHIELD<\/p>\n

Lauren<\/strong>: Oh look Lois needs to be rescued again
\nSomeone rescue Lois
\nyawn<\/em><\/p>\n

Sarah<\/strong>: Oh look, Supes to the rescue
\nAGAIN
\n(to be fair that is kinda his job description)<\/p>\n

Lauren<\/strong>: If we hadn’t already consumed so much wine I would say we should’ve made an “a man saves Lois Lane” drinking game<\/p>\n

Sarah<\/strong>: Internet, that might have killed us<\/p>\n

Lauren<\/strong>: I’m really kind of upset on behalf of Doomsday that this is the version of him that made it to film<\/p>\n

Sarah<\/strong>: He deserved so much better than this
\nWhhhyyy did they make Doomsday a mindless Orc?
\nWho let Zack\u00a0Snyder get his hands on Doosmday?<\/p>\n

Lauren<\/strong>: I DON’T KNOW, HE IS ONE OF THE MAIN SUPERMAN VILLAINS, THIS IS A PROBLEM FOR ME<\/p>\n

Sarah<\/strong>: At least Supes is the one to take him down?
\nThat is but a small consolation<\/p>\n

Lauren<\/strong>: So, things this movie has done well: Batman, Wonder Woman (for ten minutes), the score… uh…
\nThat One Cameo Of Momoa<\/p>\n

Sarah<\/strong>: Alfred<\/p>\n

Lauren<\/strong>: Wait DEATH OF SUPERMAN FOR REAL
\nAGAIN<\/p>\n

\"giphy<\/p>\n

Sarah<\/strong>: OR IS IT<\/p>\n

Lauren<\/strong>: No this is the comic imagery
\nIt’s DEFINITELY IT
\nTHEY ARE DOING THE THING
\n“hey I’ve died twiiiiiice\u201d<\/p>\n

Sarah<\/strong>: IT IS AN EPISODE OF BUFFY<\/p>\n

Lauren<\/strong>: I KNEW IT
\nSo now they’ve got to resurrect him AGAIN
\nOr he could stay dead so he doesn’t ruin the Justice League movie
\nJust a thought<\/p>\n

Sarah<\/strong>: Thaaaaaat is the most tempting option for me<\/p>\n

Lauren<\/strong>: Superman is the worst part of these movies (and I love Superman)
\nWait so Lex Luthor is bald because of PRISON?<\/p>\n

\"ezgif.com-crop<\/p>\n

THAT IS NOT HIS ORIGIN STORY<\/p>\n

Sarah<\/strong>: IT IS NOW
\nTHIS IS YOUR LEX NOW<\/p>\n

Lauren<\/strong>: NO
\nZACK SNYDER WHAT
\nUghhhhhhh I think what we’ve learned from this is that I just can’t be friends with Zack Snyder<\/p>\n

Sarah<\/strong>: POST DEATH ENGAGEMENT
\nTHAT\u2019S A THING NOW<\/p>\n

Lauren<\/strong>: How are there two funerals
\nWhat is happening<\/p>\n

Sarah<\/strong>: So the real funeral is in Smallville and an empty casket is in Washington?
\nIs that what’s happening here?
\nWHERE ARE THE BAGPIPES?<\/p>\n

Lauren<\/strong>: (“What is happening” is, I think, a consistent theme of this movie)
\nI can’t even be sad for this part because you know he’s coming back
\nAnd also this version of Superman is The Worst
\n(which is sad, I love Henry Cavill and think he would’ve been a great Supes under… different circumstances)<\/p>\n

Sarah<\/strong>: And there’s Bruce, brooding in the distance
\nSooooooo Bruce forms the Justice League to avenge Supes?
\nReally?<\/p>\n

Lauren<\/strong>: I…guess?
\n“You were my worst enemy but ALSO MY BEST FRIEND\u201d<\/p>\n

Sarah<\/strong>: Oooookay?
\nBut they literally never spoke as friends.<\/p>\n

Lauren<\/strong>: “If you seek his monument look around you” what is that even supposed to mean
\nLike look around you because there are aliens everywhere or mass murderers orrrrrrrr
\nI love Jesse Eisenberg but I’m kind of sad his scheming did not amount to more in this movie<\/p>\n

Sarah<\/strong>: He IS bald because prison
\nbecause that makes sense
\n(it doesn\u2019t make sense)<\/p>\n

Lauren<\/strong>: I KNOW I don’t like it
\nSince when is Lex just crazy
\nthat’s never been his MO
\nThat is the realm of Batman villains<\/p>\n

Sarah<\/strong>: Yeeeeeaaahhhh, I don\u2019t know what\u2019s happening
\nLex is supposed to be SUPER SMART AND CALCULATING
\nA Slytherin to his core
\nBatman\u2019s villains are mostly batshit Gryffindors<\/p>\n

Lauren<\/strong>: Petition to bring back Michael Rosenbaum
\nI honestly love Lex Luthor? And Jesse Eisenberg, but his take on Lex was just…weird
\nThis was not the classic Lex
\nWhich I guess makes sense considering this was The Worst Superman?<\/p>\n

Sarah<\/strong>: OH HELLO FORESHADOWING
\n\u2026.and we’re done
\nI’m not sure how I feel
\nIt was weird
\nAnd not good
\nbut I loved Wonder Woman?<\/p>\n

Lauren<\/strong>: THAT MOVIE WAS VERY STRANGE
\nLike I didn’t hate it but also I’m glad I had The Wines<\/p>\n

Sarah<\/strong>: And I’m kinda excited for Justice League because of the trailer?
\nBut not because of this movie
\nAt all.<\/p>\n

Lauren<\/strong>: I AM EXCITED FOR JUSTICE LEAGUE but more in spite of this movie than because of it
\nI agree with the commentary that says that this was a good Batman movie wrapped up in a bad Superman movie
\n(wrapped up in a ridiculous Zack Snyder movie)
\nI am also glad I didn’t see it in theaters<\/p>\n

Sarah<\/strong>: I am also glad for that
\nAnd for the wine<\/p>\n

Lauren<\/strong>: Wine: Redeeming Bad Movies Since Forever<\/p>\n

\"wine-alicia\"<\/p>\n

<\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

With\u00a0Suicide Squad\u00a0getting ready to release next month and DC dropping the trailers for both\u00a0Wonder Woman\u00a0and\u00a0Justice League\u00a0last week at Comic-Con, we (Sarah and Lauren) decided it was finally time to pull the trigger on\u00a0Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Justice. While in theory we would be all about a new Batman and Superman movie\u00a0that also introduces Wonder […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":2197,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[3,7],"tags":[44,459,43,128,461,303,460,462],"class_list":["post-2137","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-comics","category-movies","tag-batman","tag-batman-v-superman","tag-dc","tag-dc-comics","tag-justice-league","tag-superman","tag-wonder-woman","tag-zack-snyder"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.avengingforce.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/07\/cp0lksniak0pugyt3nyl.jpg?fit=800%2C451","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p4Vfwz-yt","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.avengingforce.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2137","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.avengingforce.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.avengingforce.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.avengingforce.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.avengingforce.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2137"}],"version-history":[{"count":10,"href":"http:\/\/www.avengingforce.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2137\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2214,"href":"http:\/\/www.avengingforce.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2137\/revisions\/2214"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.avengingforce.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/2197"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.avengingforce.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2137"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.avengingforce.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2137"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.avengingforce.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2137"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}